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Chick Shit for Chic Chicks!
I am a little bit tired receiving letters from people asking to help out with their
pathetic love lives, so I'm going to take a break from helping the less fortunate. Besides, this time of the year
is a very bad time to be alone and those that are are pathetic and beyond my help at this time.
Since it's the holiday season and I feel quite festive, I am going to answer a holiday themed letter I received.
Maybe it will warm the hearts of those that have nothing better to do than visit websites like this one. And then
again, maybe it won't.
No matter to me, I do what I want since it's my column so you must read the following letter I received from 8
year old Billy in Spokane, WA because I am answering it and you love me.
How come I never get what I want for Christmas? I write Santa letters but always get stuff that I don't like. I
don't like that.
Well Billy, it could be because Santa isn't real and every letter you send is thrown away by some drunk in a tiny
cubicle in the back of your local post office, or maybe it's because your parents don't like you.
Just do what I did when I was young. Accept every present you get and pretend you like it. Soon your parents will
feel that you really love them and then you can turn around and sue them for everything they own since they have
screwed up your life by getting you crappy presents. This will hold up in any court of law plus you'll get to be
on television.
You like television, don't you Billy? Imagine telling all the other kids at school that you're going to be on tv!
You'll be popular and that's really all that matters in life.
There you go. I handled another person's problem and can now go rest and relax since my life is perfect, unlike
yours.
NEXT WEEK: An important
Christmas message from me.
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