Ask Bob

By Bob Senitram

Since Brian’s been on holiday for a few weeks, I thought I should write some prolific words of wisdom for our Weird and crappy visitors.

Every so often I like to point out the obvious to folks. For some reason, it seems to me that adult intelligence has taken a nosedive. It’s my guess this drop is in direct relationship with the increase of population in Texas. Cowboys aren’t exactly known for academic achievements. I don’t have any statistics to support that, but I used to be a truck driver and I speak from personal experiences. I’ve never met anyone as stupid as a Texan although folks from Oklahoma come in with a close second.

For example, you may notice Ford advertises with some Texas country bumpkin singer. Why? Because no one buys a Ford as a result of research from Consumer Reports. It is and always has been an inferior product. Stating this will never affect sales because hillbillies don’t make logical decisions, they just react. Thus, the singing hillbilly commercial (“Ready for a throw-down”). That line includes the WWF fans who may not be stupid, but easily amused.

Anyway…to the obvious. Here’s what I’m leading up to:

Karl Rove :
Guilty - disclosing the identity of an undercover agent.
Most incriminating quote: “I am not a criminal.”

Scooter :
Guilty – part of the rumor laundering to “take care of Ms Wilson.” I had my suspicions when he was quoted as saying, “And we wouldn’t have gotten away with it, if it weren’t for those meddeling kids!”

Cheney :
Guilty – Involved in the money laundering for Tom Delay.
No real evidence of this, but look at it this way, big financier who’s in politics lives in Texas where Delay is planning to launder money to help him Jerry Mander some districts (this is when you redraw voting districts so republicans get more votes than there are republicans). It all goes together like butter and bread.
Guilty – His war companies are gonna get caught doing something, it’s only a matter of time.

Delay :
Guilty – Not only did he launder money for politics, he messed with the voting district thing. Most incriminating quote: “The re-zoning, was mostly getting rid of Mexican votes, most of ‘em can’t read anyway.”

Bush :
Innocent! – He always gets away. Was he convicted when he abandoned his post during war-time? Nope. Did he ever get busted for DWI’s or drugs? No, not that either. Conviction of insider trading? Just a misunderstanding. He even fixed a presidential election without breaking any laws. He staged an unjustified war, disregarded international laws to torture folks he don’t like, and put a “hit” on a CIA operative. Untouchable.

Which brings me to Iraq.

Here’s something to think about. Suppose Bush is intelligent and everything that has happened in Iraq was not the result of incompetence, but the result of a cold, calculated plan. Supposed it was pre-determined that the best way to keep terrorists off American soil is to create a Muslim hot-bed.

Phase 1: Invade Iraq, although there is no justifiable reason.
Phase 2: After the defeat, provide enough troops to maintain a presence, but not maintain control, drag this on for 5 years.
Phase 3: Use this diversion to let Bin Laden go about his business. He will rally folks to go to Iraq, keeping them away from US soil.
Phase 4: Stay long enough to let Iraq form a poorly trained police and army (5 years), then leave.
Phase 5: Terrorists will concentrate on overthrowing the Iraqi government, with limited assistance from other countries, this should take about 5 years.

There you have it, a ten year plan to keep the US safe. Soldiers sent to Iraq are just collateral damage to keep the US safe. To tell the truth I don’t like it, but since it’s already done here’s a longer range plan, courtesy of Bob Senitram.

Phase 6: Kill Osama. Al Quada needs him, support will fizzle.
Phase 7: Stay out the Middle East for 10 years, no troops, no money, no arms, only humanitarian aid when needed…no strings. This includes Israel. Without fanatical leadership the terrorists leaders will be tempted to get involved in nation building and politics. The terrorists will seem like ‘small time thugs’ compared to the nation builders, and the current form of persuasion in the Middle East will become less violent.

This is just a common sense solution to a very complex problem, perhaps there are details I overlooked but all in all, it seems like a good plan to me.

And now you know!