Ask Bob

By Bob Senitram

Looks like Brian Petre is workin’ on the road so you’ll just have to wait for next week to read Tales of the "Pelican Tragic” part III.

So I’ll write about the one think Americans love to hate…Mexican’s. It’s ok because I just happen to be 1/2 Mexican, 1/2 Jew and I was raised in a black family. Its very confusing for people…I’m hard to categorize. I don’t even speak Spanish; however, I did learn a mean Puerto Rican accent from watching re-runs of “Chico and the Man.” So I got that goin’ for me.

I was a 15 yr. old kid riding a “10 speed” when I stopped to wipe my face and arm and check my ear. There was a little blood on my ear, no big deal. I checked for splinters of glass but didn’t find any. Just a little trickle of blood that dripped on my shoulder to let me know I had a small cut. I took off my shirt and wiped the splattered beer from my arm and face.

It was a pick-up filled with “beer-drinkin’-teenage-hillbillies.” They scream, “Fuckin’ Mexican!” and “Wetback!” as they pass, then I catch a glimpse of a bottle flying about ½ an inch from my face and the shattering glass that followed. I turn to my right and see a wet brick wall where the bottle hit. I look forward and see kids in the back of a pick-up shoving one arm in the air and “whoop-hooping,” like their team just scored.

And what would have happened if they hit me and I plunked down in a coma?

Absolutely nothing.

A cat on the side of the road would get more sympathy than a dead Mexican. I’d probably lay there until my body got caught in a street cleaner, since the humane society don’t pick up Mexicans.

Well boo-hoo for me. If I were Middle Eastern, I’d become a terrorist and get back at those bastards. But since I’m just a Mexican, I’ll do the horrible, horrible thing that Mexicans do…go to work.

This is where the terrorists get it all wrong. Back in the day, the KKK blew up churches and shot anywhere a black man could be seen. Heck, we even blew up two whole cities of minorities. But in today’s “Modern-a-go-go” world it’s just not socially acceptable to go around blowing people up. This is why you terrorists are considered “savages.”

If you really want to obtain a goal (world domination or whatever), you got to work it from the inside out. Become acceptable members of your society and then ruin one life at a time (notice I didn’t say kill).

Now we’ll role-play to help you understand:

You’re a cop and you get a call that some pre-teens were fighting and one got hurt. It turns out one’s a Mexican! Grab that 12 yr. old, throw her in jail…ask questions later, SHE’S DANGEROUS!!!

Since most gang members usually end up dead, you just took a regular kid and guaranteed her demise. A productive minority is a potential threat, so you just did your duty to ruin “one life at a time.”

Now you’re a Federal Agent, and it’s your job to rid the U.S. of the horrible working class. But it’s not enough to just dump folks in Mexico…You want to do more! Here’s what you could do. Pick up illegal workers to deport, and don’t tell any local officials. What about the kids? Forget it, if your lucky maybe one of their babies will starve…that’s one less Mexican!

Now you’re getting the idea.

You’re “big time,” working with the Department of Homeland Security. What could you do? Simple, obtain authority of the “Bureau of Border Protection.” Under the “Homeland Security Act,” you can bypass all the red tape made by lawyers and arrest or deport folks that, “you know are guilty anyway.” What a great idea, and at just pennies per arrest it’s a real bargain! We’ll call it “Operation Clean-up” since Mexicans are dirty anyway.

Why waist money trying to catch “OTM” immigrants (the governments term for non-Hispanic immigrants, other than Mexican). Not only are “OTMs” hard to catch, they’re often dangerous! Beside current OTM laws assume the OTM are white, therefore, it is structured so they don’t get deported. As luck has it, potential terrorists could sneak into the US, but if he got caught, he is considered an OTM. OTMs are set free 85% of the time.

Hmmm, maybe we need to re-think this?
COMING NEXT: Brian's back!