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Song in my head:
"I got my finga' on da button,
I got my finga' on da button…"
- The Chemical Brothers -
ROMANTIC READER MAIL!
Teresa writes:
THIS REALLY HAPPENED,WHEN I WAS AWAKE AND walking in the dark on a long dirt road,and seen a moon like shape,but
grew as big as a computer desk and quickly wentto the ground,black smokenot clouds appeared and started moving
back and forth accroos this moonlike thing and red blood and animal figures appeared and writing,that I could not
read!!!I walked away,and dint look back!teresa
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"Tell her a penis pump can double your size, but the best pump is "natural
suction..." |
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Dear Teresa:
After a comma put one space, after a sentence put two spaces.
As far as the clouds and animal figures, that means that you screw like an animal when you get high.
Concerning the writing that you could not read, it was probably just English. No kidding, take a course.
Jimmy writes:
Do penis pumps work? My girlfriend wants to know
Dear Jimmy:
Not really, they're for diabetics who have trouble getting an
erection. However, don't tell your girlfriend this. Tell her a penis pump can double your size, but the best
pump is "natural suction."
You may not have the "super-sized" penis she craves, but it will probably take her 6 to 9 months to figure
this out. In the meantime…Oooooh, la, la…
Sue writes:
My boyfriend is great in bed, but as boring as a doorknob, a
computer geek, how do I pretend I'm interested in what he's saying.
Dear Susan:
Picture that person without a shirt while they talk to you.
They will think you are hanging on their every word, when really you are waiting for them to shut up so you can
rip their clothes off.
Kevin writes:
Why do the women's like flowers?
Dear Kevin:
When you're dating, women go ga-ga over any waste of hard earned
income. From a car with bad gas mileage to flowers that wilt within two days, it proves to them that you have
expendable income and would be a good provider as potential mate.
That's before your married. After marriage anything purchased by you, without permission, will always prove to
be a bad decision, confirmed by your mother-in-law.
Steven writes:
Dear Bob, my girl smokes them menthols and I hear that crystallizes
the lungs, does this mean her boobs will get hard and crystal like?
Dear Steven:
No, but don't tell her that. Tell her you need to check for
signs of crystallization every day. Enjoy.
Concerning Stephen's last column about me and Home Depot.
I already admitted that I might have been initially wrong. I thought I was being treated with bias, which may
have been the case; however, there is the added variable that home depot employees are not treated well, which
leads to bad customer service, no matter who you are.
But all Stephen see's is "I'm playin' the 'race card'." What he fails to see that if I weren't treated
with racial bias at least once a day, maybe my perspective wouldn't be "off-kilter."
The attitude of people who get fed-up and play the race card and try to sue everyone in sight, was created by the
very people who are currently hit the hardest. I just can't imagine being so stupid that I couldn't see that.
To the really stupid, even identifying mistreatment is considered "going too far".
When someone is that deep in the stupid hole, no ladder is long enough to get them out, best to just let it go.
Unless the subject is Stephen, because sometimes it's fun to just make him angry.
I guess what it all boils down to, is Stephen's an idiot.
AND NOW YOU KNOW!
COMING
NEXT: My feces taste funny?!
Email Bob!
webmaster@theweirdcrap.com |
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