|
Archives
Contact
Advertisements
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ask Bob - 12/10/04
By Bob
Senitram
Posted each Friday
Save your soul, send Bob an email, or money!
Ask Bob! |
|
Song in my head:
"You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch
You reeeeeeeeeeeeally are a heeeeeeel,
You're as cuddly as a cactus,
you're as charming as an eel..."
- Dr. Seuss -
(STOP THEME)
Here is a recent entry from the tag board thingy on the bottom of the page (Stupid Stephen Johnson intercepted
some messages meant for me and gave stupid advice that no one in their right mind would follow)::
Elexus:
my friend and me likje eachoter and we both know and he just hasent
asked me out yet what should i do?
Stephen:
Go out with his brother just to make him jealous. That'll teach him but good.
|
|
|
|
|
|
"...if the guy wants a hoe, tell him to pay a visit to Crack Whore Village.
There he will find many hoes who will..." |
|
|
|
|
|
Elexus :
he dosent have a brother , ok now what do i do can u email me please
The tag board still isn't working right so you can't use it right now. I'll answer the question.
Dear Elexus:
You are obviously young and in love. How fucking sweet.
But I have to be honest, love is nothing but raging hormones running through a young body. What you feel is nothing
but a chemical reaction and just like booze or alcohol, given time, it will eventually wear off and become nothing
but a memory. So if you "feel this" or "feel that", don't worry about it.
Psychologically, you'll like the next guy just as much or maybe more. Women are generally attracted to a variety
of male personality types, so pretty much anyone will do. If this guy doesn't ask you out right away, don't worry
about it. Think of him as a seed...it may grow, it may not, either way, continue planting seeds till you end up
with someone you like.
Now go in peace and do not be a hoe, if the guy wants a hoe, tell him to pay a visit to Crack Whore Village. There
he will find many hoes who will do what ever he wants. Plus, me and Stephen will make money since we own the place.
Or, just send me money and I'll use my position as "The New Messiah" to make him ask you out...FOR I AM THE LORD THY GOD.
Jason writes:
Just where is this crack whore village, i d really want to know!
Dear Jason:
I noticed you didn't capitalize the "i" didn't use
the apostrophe before the "d" in "I'd". Furthermore, You should have used "like"
instead of "want" in that last sentence. For these reasons, I will not dignify your question with an
answer. For penance, I want you to send me $20. Also, take an English class...SO
SAYETH THE LORD!!!
Cindy writes:
Dear Messiah Bob,
I want a nice car, a cool boyfriend (preferably a movie star), permanently wavy hair and big boobs. I won't give
you a cc number, but maybe we can work something out?
Please write back.
Dear Cindy:
This is a "cash only" offer. Send me a cc number and
the big boobs are yours. If I want the company of a woman I will cast my own bread upon the waters and know that
it is good.
Jason writes again:
Quit being such an asshole and tell me about crack whore village, I'd
really like to know!
Dear Jason:
Ok, you have pleased me with your correct punctuation, but you
still owe me $20.
Here's the whole story:
Once upon a time, there was a wonderful clean and spiffy storage company which had many rows of storage sheds and
made lots of money renting the space to people who needed a storage shed.
But as times changed, so did property values and the need for storage at this location decreased because folks
became afraid to store their goods in such an area. Things became grim for the small company and it looked as though
the doom of bankruptcy was a certainty. That was, until, one day, the owner heard the sound of a baby's cry from
one of the sheds.
From that day forward nothing would ever be the same.
COMING NEXT:
Tell me more mommy!
Ask Bob a Question!
webmaster@theweirdcrap.com |
|
|
|
|
|
|