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Song in my head:
"There will be an answer,
let it be..."
- The Beatles -
Coming soon is another election, and I just can't keep my big mouth shut!
Usually I pick on the Republicans or the Green Party, because they're easy targets. But today I will something
I have never done before. I will help both Republicans and Democrates and let the chips fall where they may.
These recent elections have become much too complicated, so I thought, a good way to simplify things would be to
make some nice slogans that accurately draws attention away from weaknesses, and toward strenghts of each candidate.
They can put these slogans on billboards or even use them for TV ads. Likewise, a good theme song is important,
so I'll help in that department as well. Both candidates may use
my ideas, free of charge! I just want to make the decision making
process easy for the common man.
First we must take an honest look at each candidate's strengths and weaknesses:
KERRY:
Strengths -
Vietnam war hero. Rich, knows how to spend money wisely. Aggresive. Comprehends "gray-shade" issues.
Intelligent.
Weaknesses -
Vietnam, that means he's a baby-killer! Too rich. Opportunist. Goes back and forth on issues. Too smart to be trusted.
BUSH:
Strengths -
Served his country during the Vietnam war. Has experience with the national economy. Took control of terrorists
in Guatanamo and in Iraq. Ran terrorists out of Afganistan. Made the world a safer place by invading Iraq. Captured
Sadam! Tells it like it is, no wishy-washy gray shade areas, "Your either for us, or against us..."
Weaknesses -Deserter,
abandoned his post during war time. Investigated for insider trading (like Martha Stewart), but no charges filed
by NEC. Ruined the US economy. Abondoned the Geneva conventions at Guatanamo and Iraq, making him guilty of crimes
agains humanity. Supported the assasination of Sadam (operation decapitation), which is against U.S. international
laws. Assumed Iraq has WMD's without researching the facts. Launched a war based on that false assumption. Resonsible
for the needless deaths of hundreds of American soldiers. Never appologized. Isolated the US from the rest of the
world with his "For us, or against us." declaration. Increased terrorist groups by opening the door in
Iraq and ignoring Afganistan.
These sogans will hep the candidates take attention away from weaknesses and toward strengths, without clogging
our simple minds with complicated facts:
KERRY:
A REAL AMERICAN HERO!
8O% LESS CHANCE OF KILLING A BABY!
NOW 20% MORE LIKEABLE!
STARTED POOR, NOW RICH...HE KNOWS WHAT TO DO!
KERRY AND EDWARDS...NOW 30% MORE DECISIVE!
THEME: "Babba
o' Riley", by The Who - emphasise, "Won't get fooled again...", stay away from the part that says,
"Say hello to the new boss, same as the old boss."
BUSH:
LESS COWARDLY THAN EVER!
80% LESS CHANCE OF KILLING YOUR BABY, NO LONGER WAR HUNGARY!
BUSH AND AMERICA, NOW WITH 2% MORE JOBS!
THE WAR ON TERRORISM...I MEAN IT THIS TIME!
NOW SMARTER THAN EVER BEFORE!
BUSH - I AM NOT A CROOK!
THEME: "If
I could turn back time", by Cher - emphasises that this time he will do better.
Coming Next:
A message for the masses!
Ask Bob a Question!
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