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Song in my head:
"I get knocked down, then I get up again,
nobody's gonna keep me down..."
- Chumba-wumba -
Last week I was talkin' about how I got a nasty wart, on account of Warren Buffett the financial king.
This wart had been with me for twenty years now, and this spring I got to thinkin'. If a wart is skin cells with
a crazy DNA code that tells them cells to go on ahead and make more cells whether they is needed or not, then maybe
you could use them skin cells for something useful.
This was my idea, introduce them wart cells to a nice plant, like a daisy. Then that daisy would get that crazy
skin DNA, and start reproducing it. Since them cells have mutated DNA, the DNA would mix with them plant cells,
fuse animals and plants to make the worlds first "Planimal."
I figured, given a few years, the "Planimal" would evolve into an intelligent form of life, that gains
energy from photosynthesis rather than consuming other plants and animals. Thus, we would have an intelligent
form of life, who's survival isn't based on killing.
Right from the word "go," humans had to kill plants and animals to get nutrients and energy we need to
survive. As time progressed, ancient man created small communities to share resources. Then, usually when the
weather got harsh, invaders would try to take the food that the community killed or planned to kill. The only
way the village can keep it's resources, is if they fight and kill the invaders.
So humans kill to survive, then we kill some more to keep the stuff we killed. Its a biological system that weeds
out the weak and passive and keeps the strong and violent. Violence is part of our primitive past.
As communities grow so do the needs of the occupants; as a result, intelligent non-violent people are allowed to
exist. As society and technology become more advanced, the need for brains overcomes the need for brawn. Eventually,
evolution will weed the people who support the primitive drive to kill. But from the looks of things, that seems
far, far, away.
And that's why I wanted to start on my "Planimal" experiment right away...no time to loose. My planimals
will gain energy from sunlight, and consume raw minerals needed to grow...no killing necessary. Thus, evolution
will support the advancement of the brain in a peaceful organism.
My first idea was to squeeze wart juice from my finger onto the daisy and let mutation and evolution do its thing.
I squeezed and squeezed and squeezed and squeezed and squeezed and squeezed and squeezed. No juice, I guess warts
don't have juice. I thought it would squeeze juice out like a pimple, but no! No juice.
Then I figured I'd trim the wart and cut it up in little pieces as small as dust. Next I sprinkle this "wart
dust" on the daisy when it's pollinating and soon my planimals will begin to evolve into intelligent beings.
I will be their god, and if they don't do what I say...I'll kill them!
And now you know!
Coming Next: Bush
and Ozzy, do the similarities go beyond the obvious?
Ask Bob a Question!
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