|
Archives
Contact
Advertisements
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Song in my head:
"Funky boss, funky boss, funky boss, funky boss, funky boss, funky boss,
GET OFF MY BACK..."
- Beastie Boys -
Suzie asks,
I wanna take my kid with me when I go bike riding, but I don't know which is safest? The mini seat that goes behind
my seat, or the thingy that attaches to the back of my bicycle with wheels and I tow him along. I want to know
which you think is safest, then I'll probably do the opposite since it is obvious that you have your head up your
ass.
HA, HA.
Dear Suzie,
I'm sure your just kidding.
But if your not...we'll you just hurt my poor sensitive feelings...OK?
A few months ago my ol' lady asked me the same damn thing. I get a-scarred of the tag along side-car thing because
it seems to me that if your looking forward you can't really keep an eye on the little tike. If you look back
to keep check on the little bugger you might crash...either way, it just seems like a bad idea.
Which leaves the seat that goes behind the parent. Now our little girl had just discovered the joy of biting.
If we put her behind us we might find chunks of flesh missing from our backs when we ended the ride.
So I went to a sporting store to get a baby sized hockey masks. I figure we could ride safely if we put the mask
on the baby. But apparently not too many toddlers play hockey.
Besides, what if she got her belt loose? She'd fall right out and then need stiches or plastic surgery. Since
I'm stearing, I wouldn't be able to catch her. So we just dropped the whole idea and got her a little rider-motorcycle
toy that she pushes herself. Seems safer to me.
Speaking of plastic surgery, my wife is hooked on that "Extreme Fake-Over" show. Last week she wanted
me to sit with her and watch it. You know that "quality time" thing. So I sit and watch. But I get
bored. Even the fake boobs couldn't keep my interest.
I think if they want to make it interesting they should get super-models and make them hiddeously ugly. Guys would
think its funny, and the ladies would like it because all ladies hate super models. I think of ideas like this
because I consider myself an "idea man."
Speaking of ideas. Last week I had a great idea that would improve efficiency at work. The basic premise was
to give my work
to other people.
Since I'm inefficient, not doing the work would naturally improve efficiency. Me boss called me a "slacker,"
but I explained the ability to deligate work is a sign of a natural leader and I should get a raise because my
"leadership abilities" are a valuable asset to the company.
He didn't agree.
Speaking of "Leaders," this last Saturday, right here in Omaha, NE, we got a big statue of Martin Luther
King Jr. put up right on the courthouse lawn.
I guess they didn't tell everybody, 'cause that night, two police officers mistook the statue for a real black
man and immediately wrestled it to the ground and shoot it, breaking the statue's arm. When questioned, one officer
said, "It appeared to have 'an aggressive stance.'"
I think that was an unwise comment.
Speaking unwise, monday I had a great big slice of chocolate cream pie with a glass of milk despite the fact I'm
lactose interant. All night I let loose big nasty burps, but instead smelling like day-old garbage, it had the
sweet, sweet taste of chocolate cream. Mmmm, mmmm, good!
I think I've rambled enough into your ear for one day.
Speaking of rambling. On the way to work, which is a twenty minute drive, I flip from station to station trying
hunt down music, because my piece of shit car don't have a CD player.
I think I flipped to KGOR radio three times each day this week and I haven't heard them play a single song yet.
Those damn DJ's just keep talking and talking. I don't know who they think they're "entertaining," but
they're not "entertaining me." I just wish they would shut the fuck up, which is what I'm gonna do right
about now.
And now you know!
Coming Next: So
are you feeling lucky, punk?
Ask Bob a Question!
webmaster@theweirdcrap.com |
|
|