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Song in someone else's head:
"OOoooooh, Looordy, troubles with God,
ain't nobody knows my...troubles with God."
- Moby -
owenewo writes,
I just looked at your site. Weird?? Anyway, who sings the song "Nobody Knows My Troubles With God?" I
just heard it on Joan of Arcadia, and went searching to see if I could find it on Amazon.com. No luck. I tried
Moby, but didn't find the title.
Help if you can!
Dear Owenewo,
I just so happens I have my own troubles with God. He never answers my prayers.
NEVER!!!
I don't pray, That just doesn't seem very efficient. Instead I devised a more efficient system. During the week
I maintain a list of things I would like or would like to see happen (in outline form). I keep it in a Microsoft
Word program so I just add to it when I get a chance. Then once a week, I copy it, put it under my pillow, kneel
down and say, "Dear God, please refer to the list I put under the pillow."
If I have a special request I'll add something like, "Please pay special attention to Section IV, B, a, 3.
This way the prayers are over quick and I don't forget anything.
Sometimes I include a category of "Improvements" I list things done by God that could be improved upon.
For example, a lot of things happen to people because they are being "Dumb-asses." So I figure, cut ot
the chase. Just put in an eleventh commandment that tells people to stop being dumb-asses.
Then I figured Moses would take care of the details in Deuteronomy.
Here's a list I put under my pillow a few years ago:
REQUESTS
- Please give me giant pectorial muscles like Ricardo Maltoban from "The
Wrath of Khahn."
- Won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
- Please make being senile, like being high, so I can enjoy my retirement.
IMPROVEMENTS
- Hey, just make it rain in India, already.
- Can Noah take along a few dinosaurs?
- Make the 11th Commandment, "Thou shalst not be such a Dumb-ass."
The next morning I woke up like a 5 year old on Chistmass morning. I
ran to my Bible only to find 10 Commandments! A biblical equivalent of getting coal in my stockings!
I've been leaving these requests and suggestions for years and not one has ever come true. I really wanted that
last one because I thought it would really lead to some cool stuff in the Moses book and in the New Age Testament.
For example in Deuteronomy, you may find this excerpt:
And so the following morning, some talking Apes brought this query
to the attention of the great Moses, "Moses I am my neighbor's,
neighbor. I borrowed his goat to help with the chores around the house. Suddenly the goat died of natural causes.
This has been verified by the noble Quincanomeous. Not wanting such a fine beast to go to waste, my family and
friends feast upon the beast in a most pro-semetic barbeque. Must I pay my neighbor for the beast...after all,
he died of natural causes."
And the great Moses enlightened the crowd with these words. "You ate his fucking goat! Good gravy! Pay the man. You are guilty of the
11th Commandment: Quit being such a dumb-ass!"
Jesus could have referred to the Commandment a thousand times! But I think you get the idea.
Oh, yes your music question:
Verily, verily I say unto thee, the song which you seek is actually called "Natural Blues" and can be
found on the 1999 CD "Play" by Moby. Go in peace and speak of this to no one.
And now you know!
Coming Next: Hairstyling
tips!
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