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Song in my head:
"You know I wish that I had Jesse's girrr-er-erl,
I wish I had Jesse's girrr-er-erI..."
- Rick Springfield -
Well, well, well. Looks like I got a number of responses to last weeks column.
The most important response was written by TheWeirdcrap.com's legal advisor:
Bob,
Are you insane! Osama footing the bill for Bush's campaign? Delete that shit from the web site or retract it...your
gonna get us kicked off the Internet. Better yet, you'll end up in jail like Stephen. And don't come crawling
to me to bail you out
Don't give me any shit. Get rid of it. Do it.
Do it now!
I think he misunderstood me. I meant that figuratively. My intent was sarcasm. I was just expressing the fact
that Bush has done such a botched up job, that his efforts to thwart Al Qaeda actually helped them. As a result,
If Osama would benefit if Bush stayed in office, because Bush would continue to make bad decisions that would ultimately
benefit terrorists. So it would make sense for Osama Bin Laden to contribute to Bush's election campaign.
I didn't mean to suggest, in any way, that President Bush was actually working with or cooperating with Osama or
Al Qaeda. Sorry.
While I'm at it I should retract a few other things to avoid legal repercussions. On 02/13/01
I mentioned that I entered Stephen Johnson's house and found him masturbating with one hand.
Actually, he was masturbating with both hands.
Now that I think about it, pretty much everything I've written from 04/02/00
to the present has been a bunch of bullshit. Don't believe any of it.
So much for that, I have to tell you about my work day on Tuesday.
I was arguing with someone on the phone, while two people were standing behind me trying to talk to me at the same
time, and another person came in to complain about something I did incorrectly nine months ago, when I suddenly
felt an overwhelming pain in my chest.
I continued to argue with all four persons at the same time although the pain persisted. Then my jaw got sore
and tight, and my left arm started to hurt. The pain in my jaw started to effect my ability to argue effectively,
when I got very dizzy and fell to the floor.
I don't know how long I was passed out, but when I came too, everyone in the room was standing over me, just laughing.
They thought I was just up to my usual antics. I whispered the words, "...chest...hurts...can't breath...heart...attack..."
That made them laugh all the more. Then everyone left.
Past experience has shown them that, if they just ignore me, I'll stop. I was face down on the floor by myself
for about twenty minutes before anyone came back. Then they called an ambulance.
To make a long story short, I spend two days in the hospital, gave blood for enzyme tests about every 2 hours and
took a stress test. The result after thousands of dollars of medical expenses?
I had gas.
All I needed was a couple of Rolaids and a diet coke to make me burp it out.
Damn.
And now you know!
COMING NEXT:
The big contest to guess how much my hospital bill will be!!!
Ask Bob a Question!
webmaster@theweirdcrap.com |
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