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Ask Bob!
Song in my head: "Move your big leg over me mamma, I might not feel this way again..." - The Taj Mahal - This is continued from last week. Now that all that Thanksgiving stuff is out of the way me and Jerome are ready to fight crime! Since it's Christmas time already, lots of folks will be needing money. Including poor folks without jobs. Which means more crime and a booming business for me and Jerome (remember, we keep 10% of all money recovered from criminals - it's our fee). So down the street we go, to the Home Depot. We see someone running out of the store with a security man chasing him. He runs right past us and we just wave hello because Home Depot sucks and they deserve to be robbed. Just then, we spy a suspicious looking man walking into the grocery store. And by suspicious looking, we mean black. So we follow him in. That's when I saw he had a mustache. I remember seeing a picture of Saddam Hussein - he had a mustache too! I concluded there must be a connection and the man must be involved in terrorist activities and probably had a dangerous weapon, like a gun or a tube of chap stick. We figure he planned to rob the store and then give the money to Al-Queada. Yup, this was our big chance to be hero's. It was too dangerous to wait for him to make the first move, or to wait for him to show his weapon...we had to act and we had to act NOW! So we started chasing him down the isle 3a. The man cried for help, and for a moment it looked like some folks were gonna try to stop us from saving America. Like a fox, he turned from isle 3a, started toward isle 4, and then shifted down isle 2c, screaming for help all the while. It looked like he was gonna get some assistance, but hen I yelled, "He's got a gun!!! HE'LL KILL US ALL!!!" A sharp turn to the left and he's now in isle 2b. A another man yells, "Look out, he's got a gun!" Before you know it the whole store is screaming and yelling about the armed man in isle 2b...oh wait, 1a. I pounce on him like a cat on a mouse, but he pushes me into a shelf of chips and I fall down, because I'm not very strong. Jerome jumps to the scene and starts humping his leg like a dog (Jerome was on crack again). The crowd gathered around and pulled Jerome off the man and proceeded to beat him with choice cuts of beef and soup cans. The man was beat up pretty good when one of the customers made the observation that no gun could be found and perhaps they should start beating me and Jerome with their fine cuts of beef. That's when I explained that although the man didn't actually have a weapon, I had documented proof that he was anticipating the purchase of a gun, and it was a good thing we got to him before THAT happened. When they asked for the proof, I explained that the man was a terrorist and proof was not needed. The continued to pressure me for proof, so I showed that the man did indeed possess a "trigger finger" which would undoubtedly be use to fire his new weapon. I was quite sure I had them all on my side when a can of extra-chunky tomato soup hit me on the head. That's when I pointed to Jerome and shouted, "He's the one who convinced me this man had a weapon!!!" At that they all turned on Jerome and I proceeded to run home...never to wear my super hero costume again. And now you know! COMING NEXT: I put the baby to bed! Email Bob! webmaster@theweirdcrap.com
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