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Ask Bob!
Today's Ask Bob is brought to you by: - The International NRA Coalition - Spreading America's freedom to bare arms to the whole world. "It's not the guns that kill soldiers, people kill soldiers...not guns." This is continued from last week. I was real excited-like after our first "Super Hero" gig. We didn't make a lot of money...but we was real super hero's at last...that's right. REAL SUPER HERO'S!!! I couldn't sleep that night...I imagined us saving the world from the notorious "Dr. No," just like on the James Bond movie, and then we get the medal from non-other than THE PRESIDENT OF UNITED STATES!!! Wow! Or better yet, I saw Jerome and myself ridding the ghetto of pimps, gangs, republicans and the KKK. We would do our part as Super-Soul-Brothers of Justice, and save folks from the evil clutches of "The Man," just like "Shaft" or "Dolemite!" The next day, "Trouble Man," was on the TV. He's one tough mutha....with an edge....he's coooool. I didn't watch the whole thing, had to do some other stuff. But I really felt that on my "Off-Super-Hero-Time," I was still making a difference by letting it play on the TV. I was showing defiance toward The Man. And that made me feel good. And sometimes feelin' good, is good enough. I calls Jerome to set up our next crime fighting gig, and he's too sick to go out! "But Jerome, you is always sick...'cause yous a crack head." I explain. "Just can't do it today, Bob...too sick (cough, cough)." Then I hears Jackie Chan in the Background, "Damn sukka! You watching the 'Kung Foo, High Karate-Shit?' You must be sick. Got yourself the Hong Kong Flu I bet. You better sit tight and get some rest..." I think, I better get the Thanksgiving dinner for tomorrow, so I go down to the Convienent Store and buy a banquet Turkey Dinner. I got the Hungry Man size, on account it's a holiday! Next morning, Thanksgiving, the old Lady wants to watch the Parade...I don't care much for parades. I saw one in person when I was about four years old. But I was only about 2 feet tall and we didn't get a spot close to the street. Nobody lifted me up, to see. We had eight kids in the family. So there I stood, in a standing room only crowd, surrounded by crotches and ass. Now you get a bunch of people outside, don't think they don't fart. THEY DO! Outside in a crowd is open fart season. People been holdin' it in all day...now they got their chance to let loose! Every time someone farted, it sprayed right on my head. Parades, oh, boy. Why don't you just shit in my mouth and get it over with. Now I give unto thee, my Thanksgiving Prayer: "Thank you Jesus for being as black as these peas, that we's about to eat. Thank you for breastages and weed, and crack-hoes in need. Thank you for fourties, bottles and cans tall and proud. Thank you for the face of Jesus, stuck on that shroud. Thank you for the America's and The Man, who taught us to be humble, like the Son of Sam. And now you know! COMING NEXT: I put the baby to bed! Email Bob! webmaster@theweirdcrap.com
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