|
|
|
| This Week's |  |
| | | | | | | Add To Your Site! . |
|
| Commentaries: |  |
|
|
Ask Bob!
Song in my head: "...The hardest button to button, the hardest button, to button..." - White Stripes - As you may know, I was on my way to Jerome's house when the ol' lady makes me stay home and hand out candy to the kids. Saturday I got my can of germs together and headed toward Jerome's. Sure enough, I get there and Jerome is as fit as a fiddle...so I give him a can of soda with spit I saved from when I was sick. According to my plan, I needed a sickly person to help me fight crime and Jerome was just the man. So I get there can of flu-soda in hand, and the first thing he notices is that I lost about 15 lb.! "Wow! You look great! You loose about 50 lb.?" "Try fifteen lb., you crack-head," I reply. Still...is it the Jared-subway diet? Is it the enfrederine, speed-chemical diet? Or could it be the 20-20 diet?" "20-20?" I ask. "20 sticks of celery and 20 carrots per day. Oh, wait...don't tell me!!! You've joined the ranks!!! Your on crack!" Jerome says, as he jumps his bulbous ass up and down. "What are you talking about? You smoke crack and your a fat-ass!" "Yeah, but I work at it, you know, to hide the fact that I'm a crack-head. And I like the weed, that makes me hungry. But look at you. You no longer look like an overweight elf...now you just look like a garden-gnome." Jerome explains. "Well I'm not on the crack, you dumb-ass. I just got the flu...but look." I lift up my shirt to reveal my rock hard six-pack. "Damn-gurl, what you been doin'? Ab-structions?" "There's no such thing," I explain. "But I've had multiple versions of the flu for the last month and a half. Aside from makin' me irate, I puked and diarrhea'd all day. And when that was over, I had a hard cough that lasted three weeks. I coughed really hard about every two minutes." "I see." "I guess all that coughing really gave my abs a work-out. And all that diarrhea and pukin' made me loose weight. That's what made me into the gentle giant that you see here today." "Your only four foot, three inches." Jerome adds. "FIVE FOOT, THREE INCHES." I immediately correct him. "Wow! Dude. We should market that flue as a diet product...that's where the big money is! Too bad you don't have that flue saved in a jar somewhere..." "I look at the soda in my hand...yup, too bad." I forget the idea about being super hero's for now and I tell Jerome, "Good-day, sir." Out the door I go with money-signs in my eyes! And now you know! COMING NEXT: I gotta set up a plan to market this new diet product! Email Bob! webmaster@theweirdcrap.com
|
|||||||||||||||||
|
|
||||||||||||||||||
|
| | | | | | © 2002 by TheWeirdcrap.com - "Insanity has found a home." |
