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Ask Bob!
Francine@_____ writes: I'm gonna meet my future inlaws this weekend. My boyfriend doesn't know it yet, but they ARE MY FUTURE INLAWS. I want to make a good impression. CAN YOU HELP? Dear Francine: No, I cannot. However, since I have made almost every imaginable mistake in the course of my life, I feel you can learn from my mistakes. Just avoid doing anything I would or have done. The biggest lesson I'v learned, is that, if, for some reason, you have to cancel. Do it. It'll be for the better. Let me give you a few examples. A few years ago my wife set me up on a date with a girl she worked with. Now before porn bass riffs start going through your head, keep in mind we were not married at the time, we were not even dating yet. So I end up getting a bad flu with a 103 degree temperature. Instead of cancelling, I go anyway cause I think it's a sin not to keep a date. I end up mumbling all night about worthless shit that didn't make sense. Needless to say I didn't get a second date. It would be better if I just cancelled and let my future old lady explain that I really was sick. And that's all I got to say about that. Second, when I was a little kid I'd go to my grandma's house for a few weeks out of the summer, because I was her favorite grandkid. Well she always told me not to play in the garage. On day I sneak in there and started "fixing" and old chair. I was cutting the legs so it was small enough for me. Turned out it was some kind of family heir loom. Grandma catches me and yells, "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO PLAY IN THE GARAGE!!! HOW MANY TIMES!!!! TELL ME!!! TELL ME HOW MANY TIMES!!! TELL ME NOW SO I CAN GET IT OVER WITH!" I was a-scarred because she never yelled at me before and I didn't really know what to say, so I said, "I don't know, maybe 25 times." Well that just mad her madder. So there you have it. Thirdly, once I had a dinner planned with my future in laws. This would be the first time we met. Well chance had it that I ended up getting wisdom teeth pulled the day before (friday). They were impacted so they had a little cuttin' up to do. When they were all done, they gave me codeine to help ease the discomfort. Turns out I'm allergic to codeine, but I don't know it, 'cause I aint' ever had to have it before. Like a trooper I go. Every thing is spinning round and round. It was ok while my stomach was emptly, but then I eat, everything keeps spinning more and more. Finally I mention that the dinner was delicious and ask if I may be excused to visit the restroom. Now that bathroom happened to be right next to the dinning room. I walk in and projectile vomit comes flyin' out of my mouth like old faithful. I have to throw the lid open to prevent from puking on it. I makes a bang, and then the dinner table air filled with the sounds of my heaving. My wifes brother mentions, "Wow, he really must have loved those potatoes." I noticed nobody laughed. Her parents totally think that I'm some big-time drug taker and/or alcoholic, which is true. But it was imbarrassing to me, to have them think I couldn't hold my drugs. And now you know! COMING NEXT: I share my ventures
in outer space.
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