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Ask Bob!
I'M CRANKY. CRANKY, CRANKY, CRANKY... So all I'm gonna do today is bitch, bitch bitch. I got home an hour late...all because the receptionist at work doesn't know how to send someone to voice mail. What a moron. Instead she's calls my phone, I don't answer. Calls all each extensions in the room I'm in...I still don't answer. Then she does an announcement over the loud speaker...I still don't respond. And why should I, my department was closed...I'm workin' late to get some shit done. So now she's running all around the building looking for me, so I get this "important call." She finds me and I say, "...transfer the call, I'll take it." So I take this urgent call and it's some stupid senile old man who has no real purpose for calling and just wants to chat for a half hour. It costs the company money too, 'cause they's payin' me a half hour overtime for something that could be done during business hours. Complete waste of time...all the while I had another half hours worth of work waiting before I left. Finally, I just shouted, "OH MY GOD, I'M HIT!!!" Then I dropped the phone and hung it up...it was the only way out, he was about to start talking about the Korean War. Came home and tried to take a nap, but was too tired to sleep (plus I just had an expresso). Shhhheeesssshhhhh. Monday I went to the Home Depot on 156th and Maple street in Omaha, Ne. For the fourth time in a row, they treated me like shit. Everytiime I go to Home Depot, it's "FUCK YOU DAY." Well today is fuck Home Depot day, so Fuck Home Depot. Did I mention the name of the store who treats me like shit everytime I go there? Oh, yes. It's Home Depot, they suck. I ended walking out of fucking, fuck, fuck Home-fucking-kiss-my-ass-Depot and went accross the street to Lowes. Lowes treated me like royalty and helped me with my plumbing needs. Fine establishment that Lowes, 'cause they treated me nice. Not like shit...like Home Depot - who, by the way, sucks big stinky turd ass. At Home Depot on 156th and Maple Street, there's this guy named "Cooper," who I was told would be glad to help me when he was finished with some other customers. Well I stood patiently, when he finished, he picked up his cell phone (that never rang or beeped), and swiftly walked away... Even though the other worker told him I was waiting...he turned as if he didn't know I was there. So I followed. He ran into a pile of washing machines and stood in the middle. Then after about two minutes he comes walking out (no more cell phone). So I get in his face, "Hey, I could use some help when you done." He looks at me with a "Fuck You Look" and walks away, waving his hand in a, "Get lost boy, you're buggin' me," fashion. Old white boy never says a word to me, he just gives me a "Fuck you nigger, I work at Home Depot and we don't serve niggers," look. So's I look down the isle and I see's this sign that says, "ATTENTION NEGROES!!!" I go take a look and there's a bin with white T-Shirts that have a big red "Bulls eye," on the back. Mother-Fuckers is trying to sell target practice shirts so the KKK and the Omaha Police get a better shot when they goes huntin' for use "darkies." Damn. Ok, so I exagerated. There were no T-shirts, and the Omaha Police hasn't killed any minorities without cause for about a year now...but I'm still CRANKY!!! And now you know! COMING NEXT: A guest writer, because I'm too lazy to write my own cranky shit. Email Bob! webmaster@theweirdcrap.com
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