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Ask Bob!
HEY YOU, DON'T DO THAT, DO THIS... If let's say, you wanted to write a column that got published righ here, then send your rantings to, webmaster@theweirdcrap.com. I think, pretty much anything you write is appropriate for TheWeirdcrap.com! Just no hate shit. Be sure to use the heading, "I'm writing a column for Bob Senitram, because he is one lazy-ass bastard." Originally (on 07/10/03) I started a column that never got finished. It was a nice little diddley by Jonathan "DreamDecay" Soule; however, I didn't post it. Not because it was bad in any way, it's just that it had images that went along with it, and adding those images seemed like a lot of work. So I just gave up. Sorry Jonathan. He does have an interesting web site if you like short stories, so give it a go! On to visitor mail! Submitted by "Big Ben": Bob, I don't like to bath. But I do like to take a shower eveery single day. There's just one thing. I have a hard time washing my feet. I lift a foot up to wash it nice and clean and I often fall right over. Yesterday I fell in the shower and hit elbow against the cold water handle and it really hurt! Can you help? Dear "Big Ben": I used to have the exact same problem. I don't have good balance and have often fallen while washing my feet. I remember one morning I hit my head particularly hard and I ended up sitting in the corner of the shower, looking up and crying with tears in my eyes, "why...why...why?" That's when it hit me. A bar of soap I mean. It got jarred loose when I fell. Then I thought the head is a great mechanism that can be used to help me keep my balance. So the next morning I got all cleaned up and then when I got to my feet, I took a big breath and leaned my face against the wall and got to washing. I almost slipped and my face got a good squishing by the wall, but I didn't fall! I got a bloody nose, but no falling! The next time I leaned on my head, just above the forehead. This worked much better, but after a few days I started getting a sore bruised head, so that night I got me baseball glove and I sewed a suction cup from a nerf basket ball hoop onto the outside. Then before I shower, I just stick the glove to the wall and I got a nice glove to lean against during the foot washing. The glove does get to stink after a while, but it's worth it! Go ahead and give it a try, you won't be disappointed. Freaky Freddy writes: My girlfriend gets mad when I watch "The Man" show, what should I do? Freaky (if that is your real name): Last Sunday I was watching "The Man Show" and during commercials, I flipped channels and found "Absolutely Fabulous" on the Oxygen channel for the womans. If you don't know, thats show with the two freaky ladies that are drunks. It's a pretty funny show because the stars are always drunk and drunk people on TV are funny. Here's my delemna, it was playing on the menstration channel. So now I can watch fart jokes and Juggies, which is very manly. Or I can go to the girly-girl channel and feel un-manly while I watch ads for tampons and birthin' baby detector devices. I like watching the two drunk ladies they is real funny, but at what price? I thought what my life would be like if I watched the big "O" channel all day long. I visualized myself painting my wifes toenails, having pillow fights, and drinking tea with my pinky up while I read poetry. WITH MY PINKY UP!!! Then I thought what life would be like if I watched the Juggies all day long...all that came to mind was a big ruckus in the the bed room, and it wern't no pillow fight. So I took to watching "The Man Show." Since your not married, it really doesn't matter what your girlfriend thinks - go ahead and watch what you want. You can make it up to her by sitting in the room while she watches, "Friends" or "Will & Grace." You don't even have to watch. Read "Sports Illustrated" while she watches. She'll just appreciate you being there, 'cause that's the way girls are. And now you know! COMING NEXT: Why waste money with them baby-in-the-belly detection devices, when you can do it for free? Email Bob! webmaster@theweirdcrap.com
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