|
Lunatic Ravings
Maculate
Conception
Ask
Bob
Chick
Shit for Chick Chicks
Ask
Bob A Question!
Ask Bob 2003
Visit
the Archives!!
|
|
Ask Bob!
Hey, are you just an ordinary guy/gal or an actor/actress who hasn't worked for a while? You want stuff that's
on your mind to be on the mind of thousands of others? Write a column for me so I won't have too!
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE A GUEST COLUMNIST, SEND AN EMAIL TO webmaster@theweirdcrap.com. I think,
pretty much anything you write is appropriate for TheWeirdcrap.com! Just no hate shit. Be sure to use the heading,
"I'm writing a column for Bob Senitram, because he is one lazy bastard."
Before I continue, I would like to say happy July 4th to all the Americans out there!
One of the great things about America is, with just one check on a ballot,
we can collectively cleans America from the egotistical, illogical, drug induced clutches of George Bush!
And that is something to celebrate!
Now don't get me wrong, there's no quick fix to the mess he has made nationally and internationally. It'll take
at least ten years to clean up his mess, but don't worry...we can do it! Speakin' of big messes:
I been trying to think of a way to earn a quick buck to pay for some new schoolen.
I asked Stephen first how he makes extra money and he gave me a stick and told me to go wait in the dark for victim.
I wasnt waiting too long when an old lady came round the corner. She beat me up pretty bad and took the nickel
I had found under the soda machine.
Anyways I got the idea that Bel always seems to have money so I could ask him how I could make some extra cash!
Bel put the blessn of God on me to make rain and told me to go forth and sell rain to people.
I had to explain to people, You idiots, I know its raining. Im here. I couldnt get anybody to buy any rain cause
I had this giant rain cloud just follown me around. People kept asken me go away cause they didnt want a flood.
It rained so much over me that my hands got all wrinkly and my wife didnt recognize me on account of me not smelln.
This lasted for about a week. I figured out that if I went to picnics or visited a beach or lake, I could earn
a couple bucks by offering to go away and take the rain with me. I caught a cold and the skin on met feet started
to go bad on account of me wearn wet shoes all the time. I got a bad fit of depression cause I hadnt seen the sun
in forever and I started to believe I never would by dry again. The rain even followed me inside, so nobody would
let me in their house. I had to find Bel.
I found Bel and Stephen watching a hairy-tongued woman confess her adulterous ways on TV and ask for donations
to ease her suffering. Seeing them inside kinda reminded me of what it was like to be dry. Stephen said if I ever
came in his house with the rain over my head that hed shoot me, so I broke in through the bathroom window. Stephen
heard the water coming down and shouted, Dammit woman! Thats two showers this week! You think Im made of money!
For the first and last time in my life, I was soo relieved he thought I was his woman. Then I heard Melissa call
from somewhere else in the house, Im not in the shower you bastard! There was some quick movement and the bathroom
door opened.
Bel stood in the door way and about two inches of water ran past his feet. He told me later that I looked like
a bloated raisin of a man who has done too much crack and acid to know when its time to get out of the damn shower.
Bel waved his hand invoking God and the rain stopped flooding the house. Stephen put his gun away and we watched
a rain cloud form over the hairy-tongued womans head.
And now you know!
COMING NEXT: Another guest/ghost
writer?
Email Bob!
webmaster@theweirdcrap.com
|
