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Ask Bob!
I'm very excited that folks are starting to participate in expressing they selves with the word. What I mean is,
I have several folks that sent in commentaries to post here at the "Ask Bob" page. This is good
for me, because I'm one lazy SOB, and quite frankly I've said enough for one life time.
IF YOU TOO, WOULD LIKE TO BE A GUEST COLUMNIST, SEND AN EMAIL TO webmaster@theweirdcrap.com. I think,
pretty much anything you write is appropriate for TheWeirdcrap.com! Just no hate shit...you know, stuff like, "I
hate ____'s because,..." I've had some folks send stories making fun of overweight people, the same way nazi's
make fun of Jewish folks. Stuff like that...bad. It no, get posted.
Without any more bullshit, let's get the ball rolling:
I GOT SUMTHIN' TO SAY!!!
By Jonathan "DreamDecay" Soule
Website: Art and Entropy
http://www.artandentropy.com
I somewhat-recently obtained this from an Iraqi television transmission; a news item that has been hidden from
your eyes by the media in a massive cover-up that I stumbled upon. You see, I'm sure you all read in the news about
Saddam Hussein's request to George W. Bush to debate him a few months ago, to discuss the coming war over a satellite
link. What you don't know is that Bush actually accepted the offer, but later claimed that he "never took
it seriously" to conceal a massive national embarrassment. Embarrassment over what? You'll see. Assisted by
an interpreter, Hussein and Bush got to talking and things quickly got... interesting. I tested this to ensure
its authenticity, and it is all 100% completely true for reasons I can't provide for some reason. Really.
Debate Transcript: George W. Bush vs. Saddam Hussein
March 4th, 2003- 3:00 PM Eastern Time
Saddam Hussein: President Bush... as world leaders, please, let us be reasonable with each other and do our best
to maintain peace. As things are now, you give me no room to maneuver. Your insistence on ignoring the international
community and using pressure and blackmail to force Security Council members to accept your wishes leaves me only
one choice: to defend my land, independence, dignity and national integrity.
George W. Bush: Blackmail? The international community? Listen, Saddam, according to the international opinions,
you are the deceiverous (sic) one and it's me that has intergery! (sic) Nonetheless, the issue at hand now is disarming
your country!
SH: We're disarming as fast as possible, but you've already made up your mind about attacking us.
GWB: Disarming? According to the last UN inspection report, you destroyed two missiles and a glass bottle full
of bugs with a biohazard sign written on it in crayon and that's all in the last three months! You are not disarming
and you are not telling the truth!
SH: Those are the only weapons of mass destruction we possess; I swear on my honor!
GWB: And even if you are disarming a little, if you destroy weapons you used to claim didn't exist, like those
SCUDS and their chemical warheads, that means you gotta have more!
SH: That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. If the more I disarm the more you accuse me of, what the Hell is
the point?
GWB: The point is, you had thousands of evil weapons of the axis of weapons over a decade ago that are unaccountable
for!
SH: Goddamn man, I could speak English better than you... listen, Mr. Bush, sure, we had 15,000 missiles years
ago along with massive quantities of mustard gas, all 4 types of nerve gases, anthrax spores, botulinum toxin,
wheat cover smut, typhoid samples, enriched uranium, a near-operational nuclear detonator, a laser destructo-beam
and a partridge in a pear tree. But after the Gulf War all we had left was the 2 rockets and the bugs, a garrison
of 20 troops, a few AK-47s, a bunch of muskets and blunderbusses and a prop tri-plane with a rusted up propeller.
I swear on my honor that we don't clandestinely retain weapons that our scientists estimate could, theoretically,
kill every man, woman and infidel child in America 6 times!
GWB: We didn't destroy everything, and why on Earth would you bring up the destruction of our citizens if you were
weaponless? That's fuzzy logic, Saddam! Swear on your honor, God... look at you! You're in your sixties but you
dye your hair and mustache so you look 35! You're obviously a deceiverous (sic) person!
SH: I think I've been overestimating your country. You're stupid with a capital "S".
GWB: Me stupid? Capital "S"? Look at your country! You Iraqi's don't even know that a "Q" always
needs to be followed by a "U"! You use "Q"s everywhere, like they were "J"s! Wait...
"K"s, like they were "K"s.
SH: "Q"s must be followed by "U"s... that's very good, Georgie Porgie! When did you pick that
up, in "catch up" tutoring sessions right after you came into office?
GWB: I learned it in High School, Saddam! While you were learning that the only way you're capable of succeeding
in politics is through the use of violence and terror.
SH: Blackmailer!
GWB: Liar!
SH: Infidel!
GWB: Terrorist!
SH: Stupid-head!
GWB: Jerk-face!
SH: Creep!
GWB: I am rubber, Saddam, and you are glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to yooouuuu!
SH: Coke-snorting, rich man-sheltering, dyslexic, warmongering infidel piece of arch-conservative SHIT!!!
(A very long pause)
GWB: That's it. I'm gonna go press "the button".
Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your tastes) Bush soon changed his mind and decided to instead drink
a plastic juice box and take a nap. Saddam presumably went back to his usual daily schedule of furthering his nuclear
weapons program and ordering various people to be tortured to death.
And so the world turns.
And now you know!
COMING NEXT: Does Bob dare give
up his space on TheWeirdcrap.com again?
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