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Ask Bob!
"Every time I planted a seed, he'd say, "Kill it before it grows..." - Bob Marley and the Wailers - Frank from Alberta writes, Look I'm about to get my college degree. I WANT TO MAKE A LOT OF MONEY!!!! Got any ideas? Dear Frank, You just ruined the whole premise of this weeks column! I wanted to write about Fartography, but truth to the matter is...I never made any money with the idea, so to explain my big idea would be an injustice; therefore, I am forced to tell you how to really make money right out of college! In fact, even if you haven't finished college or high school, for that matter, you can still pay close attention and heed my big money making advice. As I slowly lower myself into my chair to tell you my secrets, I notice that just about every bone in my body is sore or aching. Getting into my computer chair is half the work of the column these days. And why? Probably because I'm an old fart, that's why. All I did this weekend is trim a few hedges, cut the lawn and work on a sand box for baby gurl, who just turned a year. So the next day after this big work extravaganza, I'm rubbing ben gay on all the sore spots. I remember when I was younger, I'd see commercials for ben gay, and I'd think, "What are they talking about, why would someone's back get sore from just digging a hole or pulling some weeds?" Well, now I know. It's just part of being an old fart. For those who don't know the whole history of TheWeirdcrap.com and its staff, I was born during the big banana famine in 1879. I never really seemed to age, I don't know why - I don't ask those type of questions, but I like to eat fresh beets whenever I can. I'm pretty sure that has something to do with it. While I'm on the subject of "something," here's something for you to think about. The Chick Shit for Chic Chicks column has a new host! It's Hooty McBoobs. I think she's an ex-porn star, but I'm not sure. I know she wanted to be called "Chesty Love,". but we ran into legal problems because another porn star already has that name. I'm really glad we got someone "In the Business," working on the site. I tried to get another porn star (something Lynn) to write some columns, but she turned us down. Yvonne ended up in jail, so Hooty came on the scene just in time. If I remember correctly, the police searched her house, for some reason, and found Rick James tied up in her basement. Now she's up the river for kidnapping or something. Any ways, good riddance. Every time I planted a seed, she'd say, "Kill it before it grows." She'd say, "Kill it before it grows." Every time I'd make an obscene or indecent comment she'd say, "I don't know what your talking about?" Well, an experienced porn star like Hooty McBoobs should know exactly what I'm talking about. Oh, about the money making thing. Apply to a lot of production companies and movie studios for jobs as a "STAR!" Make sure you specify on the application that you desire to be a "STAR" and not just an actor or actress, because "STARS" make more money. Keep trying until someone hires you. If you have any questions go ahead and give me a holler at the email address below. And now you know! COMING NEXT: Why is my cat begging to get out of the Bathroom? Email Bob! webmaster@theweirdcrap.com
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