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Ask Bob!
"All aboard the night train all aboard..." - Paul Cuneo - The song in my head is from a lullaby album called "Rest Here." We play it when Baby-Gurl goes to sleep - she loves it and they are all original songs. It's just nice to listen to something new with the baby. We are not commisioned by Paul, nor do I know him...it's just a good cd and it's only 13 bucks. So go buy it, AND QUIT MAKING SO MUCH NOISE!!! Now back to important investigative reporting. Jerome is reporting to us from Iraq. We're really excited about having him there and even more excited that this week he's going to share with us some of the conversations he had with Saddam! Apparently he didn't have much trouble finding him. We now resume our instant messaging with Jerome, my handle is BobWC and his is JeromeWC... BobWC: So you got your interview with Saddam ready? Our readers will be really interested! JeromeWC: We'll almost! And by "almost," I mean no." BobWC: WHAT DO YOU MEAN? JeromeWC: I've prepared something even more interesting. It's an interview I had with a guy who was sent to Iraq to help build the Nation. This is really exciting! Way more interesting than crazy ol' long tall Saddy. Please post the following report: BobWC: God damn you mutha-fucka...you. Jerome: Today we are talking to "long arm Jimmy" from Kansas! Tell me Jimmy, do they call you "long Arm" because of your unusually long arm? LAJ: Yup. Jerome: So what brings you to Iraq? LAJ: Budget cuts. Jerome: Huh? LAJ: We'll them coal-ition forces went and busted up a bunch of roads with them bombs, so I'm gonna work on that. Jerome: So you're an engineer? LAJ: Nope, but I'm real good with a paint brush. Jerome: I see... LAJ: Yup. Jerome: I don't get it. LAJ: When they rebuild and pave new roads, I go out and paint the "this way" and "that way" lines in the middle of them roads. Been doin' it fur years. Jerome: So you drive on of them machines... LAJ: Nope. Jerome: Still don't get it. LAJ: When a small town can't afford them fancy machines, they call me and I go out and do it by hand. I got this special roller I made myself. It makes the job nice and easy. I get paid a nice living and the town saves a bunch of money. Everybody's happy. I'm just about as fast as any machine...on account of my special roller. And my long arm. Jerome: So you were brought here to get the job done at a good price! LAJ: Yup. I do double yellow lines too. Made a special roller just for that. It's my versatility that paved my road to success. Jerome: Sure, sure, that's real swell. Let's take a look at that damn roller. LAJ: See here the paint goes into this container that ties to my back with one of them college backpacks. Then, this here tube goes from the container to the handle of the roller. The paint runs from the backpack to the roller handle down to the roller. It's a pretty smooth operation. Jerome: And doing this by hand doesn't lead to uneven lines? LAJ: Not really. Jerome: Cool. LAJ: Yeah. Jerome: You got any dope? LAJ: Yup. You wanna get high? Jerome: Always. LAJ: This is what I call Norwegian wood, it's some good shit... Jerome: From Norway? LAJ: Nope. I just call it that. Jerome: How do you keep the lines the same size? LAJ: One step, roller down...two steps, roller up. One step, roller down...two steps, roller up. Jerome: Like the fuckin' Karate Kid! LAJ: Pretty much, that's where I got the technique. First got the idea for the special roller at a baseball game. Saw one of them hats with the beer cans on top and the tube that goes into the mouth. Guess sumthin' just clicked. Jerome: You wanna try some of my dope? It's a little smelly... LAJ: Yup. NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: This concludes our report from Iraq. Somewhat of a let-down, but there's always next week. To tell the truth I'm beginning to wonder if Jerome ever really met Saddam. I would also like to add; that here at TheWeirdcrap.com, we do not condone the casual use of marijuana or other recreational drugs. We take our drugs very seriously and are appalled by the concept of casual use. And now you know! COMING NEXT: Catch me if you can! Email Bob! webmaster@theweirdcrap.com
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