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Ask Bob!
"I'm accustomed to a smoother ride, or maybe I'm a dog who's lost his bit. They say a lie is just a lie - why deny the obvious child..." - Paul Simon - Well today's column comes a day late. It all boils down to the family. My wife had to leave town for four days, and I'm left to tend to Baby-girl by myself. Now to a woman or a fancy lad, this may not seem like a big deal. But I'm just a regular Joe, and I never really realized how much work it is to tend to an 11 month old baby all by your lonesome. IT'S A LOT OF WORK! This afternoon I started the column and it ended right here <end>. This if because I put Baby-Girl in the jump n' play (in the computer room) and started writing, and sure enough about one paragraph later she needed to be tended too. I had to get a baby-sitter to watch the child while I finished. Last night I planned to write the column after I put her to bed, but I had gotten so worn out that I just didn't feel like it anymore. Here's what it's like: the day before yesterday I put her to bed, then the next morning I get up and take a shower. Then she wakes up and I give her a bottle. I got an hour before I got to be to work, she eats and plays for a few minutes and now I got 45 minutes left. Then I start to change her diaper. Out of the blue she she throws herself backwards and hits her head on the wall while I try to put her clothes on...now she's screaming bloody murder and is acting all crazy-like. So I sit down with her and give her a bottle. When she's had her fill, she starts squeezing the tip of the bottle and squirts milk all over me and my shirt and pants and shoes and hair. Then she thrashes about cause she wants to crawl around a bit. So set her on the floor and, and she heads toward the computer room. Well I have to take her out of there 'cause the computer room isn't baby-proofed yet. Now she's throwing another fit 'cause she's convinced that if she can just get into that computer room, her life will be that much better. Well, by the time I get her dressed and ready to go, I got 15 minutes to get to work. It's a twenty minute drive to get to daycare and ten minutes to get to work from there. But I gotta carry her into daycare, take her coat off, hang it up and put her formula in their fridge, blah, blah, blah. I end up a half hour late for work. It's really hard doin' it by yourself...so for all the single mothers out there who hold jobs - I salute you! Now I'm thinking about Bush and the war in Iraq that he wanted so bad, and I think he's just like Baby-girl. First he ain't elected by the people - but he spends crazy money to get the Supreme court not to count certain votes. Because that's what he wants. Like a spoiled child - he don't care what's right or wrong, he just wants to be President, even if it means completely underlying the Democratic process. Then, the the same way Baby-girl wants in the computer room, he thinks life will be that much better if he defeats Saddam. So he uses all kinds of cheap sales "bait and switch" tactics to justify it. Not because it's right and not because it's wrong, but because it's what he wants. Remember way back when, he said the reason to invade Iraq was because they had nuclear weapons and they would sell them to terrorists. But then, it turned out that they don't have nuclear weapons. So then he says that chemical and biological weapons are just as bad...and he knows he has them because Republicans sold them to them in the 80's. Then Saddam had the Gaul to use the weapons we sold him...but the weapons we sold him don't last for more than ten years. So the real threat was his current weapons...and we had proof that we submitted to the UN. Sure they were just "Artists Renderings" but so much detail couldn't have been fabricated! The UN still says, "No." so Bush holds his breath, stamps his feet on the floor and does some name-calling...the way brats usually do...but they still say, "No." So he say's, "Who needs you anyway, I'm goin' to WAR!." He's all excited 'cause the only experience he ever had of war was old war movies from the 60's. Only now, he's not goin' to war about nuclear weapons, or chemical weapons...it's "Operation Iraqi Freedom!" HE'S OUT TO FREE THE PEOPLE OR IRAQ! The original premise of nuclear weapons is obsolete, 'cause it's about chemical and biological weapons...only they don't find any...so now it's about freeing the people of Iraq and bringing them DEMOCRACY!!! The same Democratic process that Bush, the President Select, threw to the wayside to start his Anti-American Regime. Bait and Switch my friends...Bait and Switch. I don't know what pisses me off the most; the fact that Bush thought the American population is THAT stupid...or the fact that he was right. And now you know! COMING NEXT: I really gotta pee! Email Bob! webmaster@theweirdcrap.com
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