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Ask Bob!
"GREEN EYED LADY PASSION LADY, child of nature, friend of man..." - Sugar-loaf - I almost forgot to tell you what happened after we went crashing off the cliff! If you missed the past episodes, they started back on 03/0703 and continued til now. You might want to review them before you continue... The last thing I remember was jumping out of the car and landing in the dirt. I watched as the car hit front end first and Bel went crashing through the front windshield. Then the car continued to roll on top of Bell and flipped and flopped down the mountain-side. I must have hit my head when I jumped out because after that I blacked out. When I came too, I saw the red eyes of a crazed man above me with a bloody mouth. Then he was gone. I felt something tickling my neck and when I scratched I noticed my hand was covered with blood. I looked down and saw my shirt was covered with blood too. I felt my neck again and it was all torn up with blood spurting out, then I passed out. When I woke again that night, I was totally revitalized! It was as if I was never hurt. I checked my neck and it was healed! I looked at my aging hand and wrinkles seemed to disappear while I was looking at it. It was like I was born again. At the time, I was very thin, because of my massive drug and alcohol use. While I sat there I saw my body fill up like I had never abused it. I was a miracle and I never questioned it, but from that point on - I never took drugs again. Since then I had an overwhelming desire for rare meat. Sometimes I buy a steak and eat it raw. Each time I do this I can feel myself growing stronger. I also find myself sucking on my ol' ladies tampons...that too makes me stronger. Also on rare occasions, I drain the blood from a rodent and drink it - which really gives me lift. I accept this condition as a miracle of God and I don't question it. But back to the hunting accident. One thing I left out of the story before, is the fact that the morning of the fatal hunting accident I took a couple of hits of acid. And by a couple of hits, I mean a couple of sheets. One other thing, it wasn't exactly a mountain as much as it was a hill. And by hill, I mean a ditch on the side of the road. I walked over to the car to see Bel in the drivers seat. He didn't fly out of the windshield and the car didn't roll on top of him, but he did have a nasty bump on his head. And by bump, I mean it was split open with blood seeping out. I don't know why, but I sucked the blood out of his head. He moaned a bit, but about half an hour later he woke up and the wound healed while I sat there and watched. Praise be to Allah, I said as he healed. I looked at Stephen, still passed out from his earlier sight of blood, and noticed that it wasn't agent orange at all that I set off earlier, but a simple can of Raid. The can was sitting on Stephen's lap. I got in the car and Bel drove the old model T to the hospital where Stephen was treated. Cars were not built to sturdy back then and it barely made it. Lucky for us it was a new car! That was about 70 years ago. Bel joins me sometimes when I drink rodent blood, but Stephen won't have anything to do with it. Poor old Stephen is now an old' wrinkled, bitter man - but me and Bel still look like we're in our twenties! It's probably because we found the Jesus and Stephen didn't. And now you know! COMING NEXT: Someone told me there is a war goin' on! Email Bob! webmaster@theweirdcrap.com
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