|
|
|
| This Week's |  |
| | | | | | | Add To Your Site! . |
|
| Commentaries: |  |
|
|
Ask Bob!
"Shinning star for you to see, what your life can truly be..." - Earth, Wind, and Fire - Last week I was reminiscing about the good ol' days - when me Stephen and Bel were roommates. Only one who worked was Bel, who was a taxi driver. Any ways, I got me a great idea at the start of spring that me and Stephen could go huntin' on all them birds that like to head north at the end of winter. When we left off last week we was a-heading toward the park with guns that I swiped from when I was in the army during the desert storm. I explain the plan to Stephen, "Here's the deal you idiot, we stick branches with leaves in our clothes and then climb up in these here trees. Those birds won't know us from the branches and then they'll take to landin' in them trees, then, when they get nice and close, we blast 'em! We do this for a few hours, then we climb down, pick up the dead birds piled up on the ground, clean 'em, and put 'em in the freezer. I figure we should get enough food for at least a month. And that's one month less of pullin' left-overs out of the McDonalds trash bin. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of pickin' coffee grinds out of my mouth during dinner." So we take to puttin branches in our clothes and I climb one tree and Stephen climbs another right next to it. I got me one of them head bands that were popular in the eighties with branches stickin' out of my head. Stephen didn't quite get it, cause he put the branches with leaves inside his shirt and pants. He looks like a bumpy fat man, and can barely climb the tree 'cause his shit is all filled with shit, but he manages just he same. Now we're pretty antsy to get started 'cause we drank a bunch of coffee and now we got the too-much-caffeine jitters. It just so happens, that in our jumpy state, we is a little too anxious and decide to aim at the same bird. That wouldn't be so bad, but that bird was right in-between us two. In perfect harmony, we let out a shoot at the exact same time! I don't care too much about the bullet heading toward Stephen, but the one heading toward my forehead has got me a little concerned. "My forehead!" I think... Then I go back to a few years prior. Jerome, our buddy, had accidentally smashed my forehead with a hammer while we were putting up shelves. Stephen rushed me to the hospital on the back of his bicycle. Only I was a little light-headed and kept falling off, which made the wound that much worse. By the time we got to the hospital, my head was completely caved in. When I wake up in the hospital, I had plaster on my head that towered up - so I look kind of like Marge Simpson. The doctor was explainin', "Now we have two choices. We can put a tongue-stone-steel plate in your head, that'll be nice and super strong. You can get shot in the head at point blank and you won't even feel it. Or we can put in the super-saver-aluminum plate. It's made of recycled cans and cost about on hundredth of the tongue-stone-steel plate. But if a butterfly lands on your head, you'll get a dent...I recommend the tongue-stone-steel plate." "Now why would I want a tongue-stone-steel plate?" I ask, "I'll tell you why. To jack up the expenses and put extra money in your pocket, that's why! The aluminum plate will be just fine..." Now, I'm watching the bullet head toward my skull, "Damn!" I say outloud... And now you know! COMING NEXT: A hunting we will go...Part III! Email Bob! webmaster@theweirdcrap.com
|
|||||||||||||||||
|
|
||||||||||||||||||
|
| | | | | | © 2002 by TheWeirdcrap.com - "Insanity has found a home." |
