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Ask Bob!
"Livin'...Lovin', she's just a woman..." - Led Zepplelin - This last weekend it was a balmy 45 degrees in my neck of the woods. I sat on the porch, drinkin' a cold brew and listened to the morning's birds tweet their lovely songs. I reminded me of the old days...back in the day...before I had house payments. Before I had a lovely wife and daughter, before I had an education or a job...back when...me, Stephen, and Bel were roommates. I remember the birds singin' while I was half a-sleep. My slumber was interrupted by the unmistakable sound of an all-too-familiar car horn. Actually the horn belonged to a taxi-cab..."be-be ba-ba beep-beep, be-be be-be be-be beep." Yup, you guessed it, or maybe you didn't. No matter, I knew that sound. It was the sound of "La Cucka-roacha" - adapted for a car horn. Classy This meant one thing, and one thing only...Bel Garion was close. "Hey you two bums...GET A JOB FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!" I sit up from the park bench where I was sleeping and instinctively flip him off. As I open my eyes, I see the taxi driving down the street with Bel's arm hanging out giving us the bird. "I forgive your blasphemy...fuckers!" He yells in his meth induced born again way. I wipe my eyes and look at my watch. Twelve noon, bankers are just leaving the office for an hour lunch. Burger King workers are just showing up for work. Me, I just woke up from my morning nap in the park. I pick up a stick and throw it on Stephen who is sleeping on the grass with a newspaper over his face. "Hey, you bum...wake up. I got an idea." "Nonsense your brain is not capable..." I ignore his comment, "Hear those birds, sounds like dinner to me!" "My god...DO YOU EVER SHUT-UP!" Comes his reply. I continue to ignore his comments, "Follow me! I still got those two guns I swiped from the Dessert Storm gig..." I jump up and run down the park sidewalk. "What the fuck are you talking about?" He says while following. An hour later, I'm still explaining... "Ok, Bob. I don't get it..." "I'll explain Private, we're gonna lock and load these weapons, then we're gonna...we're gonna...we're gonna..." My eyes turn up into my skull only showing the whites... "Excuse me Sarge, Sir." Stephen always calls me Sarge when I'm having a flash-back. "Excuse me sir, what do we do after we lock 'n load?" "We're gonna surround those birds...those camel-jockeys, the enemy, and we're gonna, we're gonna... Ki...Ki...Kiii...Kiii...Kiiiiiii!" I pass out. When I come too, me and Stephen are walking down the park sidewalk on our way to our "Hunting ground." Then we see "Crazy Larry," he's also a respected veteran. He was in the Vietnam war! "Blood!!! I see blood!!! Everywhere BLOOD!!! MEDIC! MEDIC! This man needs help!" This is crazy Larry's way of saying hello. "Now remember what I taught you..." I explain. "That's right, that's right..." comes Larry's reply. He proceeds to run down the sidewalk, "It's not real...it's not real!" He screams until he can't be heard anymore. "The blind leading the blind." Stephen says in a sarcastic tone. I tell 'em to shut up as we head toward the hunting ground...I'm a real good hunter. Been trained by the Gov-ment! And now you know! COMING NEXT: A hunting we will go...Part II! Email Bob! webmaster@theweirdcrap.com
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