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	Lunatic Ravings Maculate Conception Ask Bob Chick Shit for Chick Chicks Ask Bob A Question! Ask Bob 2003 Visit the Archives!! Join Us!		Ask Bob! Ask Bob! - 02/21/03 By Bob Senitram Published each Friday Song in my head: "Right about now, funky-soul-brotha..." - Fatboy Slim - As you may remember from months gone by, I got me a baby girl. She's about 9 months old now and weighs about 160 lb. and is just about a foot shorter than me. Since I last mentioned, she has eaten our cat and two kittens. We've been covering Jimmy, our third kitten with hot sauce in an attempt to dissuade baby-girl from putting him in her mouth; thereby, eating him. She gets hungriest at night. Sometimes I hear her climb out of her crib and I try to sink myself into the mattress and hide my face with the comforter. She gets hungriest at night. I can hear her little nine month old feet clapping on the hard cold concrete floor of the basement. I only pray she eats the food we put out for her and stays in the basement. She gets hungriest at night. I love our new kitty, but I pray she eats the kitty before she makes her way up the stairs. I hope her hunger is satisfied before she finds me hiding under the covers. She gets hungriest at night. Other than the night-time feeding frenzy terror, she's a really good kid. During the day she's calm and loves to sit and listen to me read to her. Lately she's been bored with all the fairy tales that are already around...so I thought I'd teach baby-girl important life lessons with my own fairy-tales. Now I would like to share them with you: Rust the Boy who didn't eat right There once was a boy named Rusty who didn't eat his veggies, cause he said they were crusty. Then he died of colon cancer. John the Bigot There was once a boy named John, who's racial slurs ran on and on. Then he got the shit beat out of him by some Muslim Nation Black Panthers. Susan the Slut Once there was a girl named Susan, she was always 'doin' it' and the booze she was a guzzlin'. Then she got aids. Then died. This bitch don't bitch-slap Once there was hoe named Bertha, Her trick decided that money he would not give-her. "Bitch!" he said, while slapping her head, "I am Joe Blow the lova-man! You should be payin' me!" So she gave him a High-Karate Kick right in the knee, Then she gave him a Judo chop in the head. Moments later Joe Blow was dead. Dolemite her pimp said she was all right, and out-of-sight! Omaha There once was a black man from Nantucket, who smiled as he sat on a bucket. Then He got shot by the Omaha Police. I hope you read these fine tales to your children and they will grow to be wise. Just like me! And now you know! COMING NEXT: My nose itches! Email Bob! webmaster@theweirdcrap.com     Send Email Archives

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