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Ask Bob!
"IIIIIIIIIII am a maaaaan, of constant sorrow..." - The Soggy-Bottom Boys - This is the story of how and ordinary man with no skills to speak of, with nothing particularly interesting about him, became a top entertainment reporter! Of course I speaking of Jerome and his rise to fame. In fact the tale of his success has no high points or low points. It is, possibly, one of the most boring tales ever told. So lets forget about Jerome and focus on me! This Thursday I had leftovers for lunch! I thought I was going to have some delicious spaghetti, only to find 1/2 a teaspoon in the container. The old lady has an insidious way of eating or drinking stuff and then leaving a tiny-tiny portion. So I started rummaging through the fridge and pulling out containers like 'they was goin' out of style,' in hopes of finding enough stuff to make a meal. There are some fast food places just about 1/2 mile away, but it was almost noon and I was too drunk to drive. I DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE!!! So I dropped a bowl on the counter and emptied 7 containers with leftovers into it. Looking down, I saw about two tablespoons of food and about 3 corn chip crumbs. From peas to spaghetti sauce to cauliflower...it was all there. I mixed it up and spread it onto a piece of whole wheat bread and had a garbage sandwich. MMMmmmmm. You're probably thinking, "I wonder why not Bob was at work." Well because I got fired that's why not! It's all because we ran out of Diet Coke in the coke machine. Then I was forced to drink regular coke...which is really not a good idea, because sugar makes me kinda-hyper. When I was a youngster, my mom fell asleep on the couch and I ate a whole box of twinkies while she slept. I was hopping around from one spot to another picking up toys and then throwing them at her, when I heard a noise come from my mommy. I was a-scarred, 'cause I thought something I threw, hit her, and made her broke. I smelt the rank odor...and being in a sugar induced frenzy, I ran out the front door. The next thing you knew I was out running up and down the street, screaming, "She's daaayyd, she's daaayyd, Momma's daaayyd, she's stanky and she don't move! I BROKE HER...SHE'S DAAAYYD!!!" Well she wasn't really dead, and I ended up getting an ass whuppin'. (Ok, I did steal that last idea but it's ok, 'cause I linked to the source.) I don't really remember what happened at work, but I know it ended with me standing in the toilet in my bare feet screaming, "I DON'T HAVE TO DO WHAT YOU SAY, WHAT YOU SAY, WHAT YOOOOUUU SAY!!! HA!" Then I was escorted out of the building by security and was asked never to return. So I guess I'm fired. But it's ok, 'cause I think I sue the pants off the Coke Company for letting the machine run out of Diet Coke, which forced me to drink regular Coke and get fired. And now you know!
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