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Ask Bob!
Time keep on slippin, slippin, slippin, into the future... - Steve Miller Band - I just want to thank all the wonderful people who visit The Weirdcrap and read the "Ask Bob" article each week. I love you all and hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving! In case you were wondering, I am no longer "Negative Man," Speaking of the o' lady, this article is being posted on the 24th rather than the 22nd because she had to go out of town for the business. I'm home with baby-gurl, who's now 6 months old. That makes me a bonified "Mr. Mom." First thing I did was dangle baby-gurl off the balcony, it was great fun! Then we pretty much watched TV till the real mom came home. I know this is good for the baby because TV's got a lot of real life situation stuff that she can apply in real life. So if she ever becomes a secret agent, vampire slayer, space-woman, FBI lady, cop, or a doctor in an ER unit, she'll have valuable experience to draw from. All thanks to TV! But you probably want to know what happened to "Negative Man." It started like this: Last Saturday I woke from my usual drunken stupor, only to find myself tied to the the back porch. It's been unusually warm here in Nebraska and this last Saturday we were expecting a balmy seventy degrees! As fate would have it, this fit into my wife's un-evil plan. Negative Man had pissed off the old lady one time too many. She was also worried that I would piss-off our relatives, and we'd get crappy gifts for Christmass. Now she was ready to put a stop to it. So now I'm tied up on the porch and the sun is beaming down on me head. I'm awake for no more than five minutes when the little lady comes with a bowl full of left over halloween lollypops and dumps it on me head. At first I twitched, bucked and yelled at her, but as the sunlight began to melt the lollypops, something began to happen. Something wonderful. Sun drenched lollypop juice seeped into me skin, and then into me veins. The high dosage of sunshine and lollypops ran through me body. Then Negative Man's microscopic heart began to grow, and grow, and then grow some more, until it was the size of 41 Negative Man hearts, times two, plus four! I was cured. On Monday, I go to my new job as a Quality Assurance person but instead of telling everyone how much they suck, I let them know that I know they're doing the best they can. Which means they get a great big "E" for effort. And that "E" also stands for excellent, so they all get wonderful scores for job performance. The workers love me, but the boss makes me give back the key to the executive washroom, then fires me ass like this, "YOUR FIRED!!!" Now I got Thanksgiving coming up and the wife invited all the relatives over for roast beast at our new house. I don't got no money or a job, but I do have a plan that will allow us to host the most wonderful of Thanksgiving dinners ever! And now you know!
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