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Ask Bob!
Negative man, negative man, says negative things when-ever he can... - Bob Senitram - I was all excited about holloween this year! I got me a Spider Man Outfit, bought $50 worth of candy and was all set to participate in the holiday fun! But a simple costume just didn't seem good enough. What a thrill the little tikes would have, to have a real Spider-Man reach down from the ceiling to answer the door! Being the creative guy that I am, I decided to make myself into a real live Spider-Man by retracing the steps of the Original. Only, I didn't have a high powered x-ray, gamma-radiation laboratory. But I remember the words of my, right-wing religious supremist, neighbor in Tallahassee who once said he didn't have a microwave, because he didn't want his kids to be damaged by the radiation. So Microwave ovens spit out radiation huh? This got me to thinking. I took my microwave and smashed out the glass part with a hammer. Then I smoothed out the edges by taping old diapers aroung the jagged parts. Then I tapped a piece of cloth over the opening so I could put my hand in it, like a dog enterance in a back door. The rest is simple. Since it's Fall, all sorts of spiders have been creaping into the house to escape the cold weather. Instead of killing them by stomping on them, I spent the last two weeks collecting them in a jar. Then the day before Holloween, I would become Spider-Man! I emptied the jar of various spiders into my palm and shoved my hand throught the microwave door. Then I turned it on high for two minutes. Before long those spiders would become gorged with radiation - bite me in a spidey-frenzy and soon I would be The Spider-Man! Turns out the spiders just crumpled up and died. When the skin on my hand started to bubble-up I turned off the microwave. As all this was happening I was watching recorded re-runs of Roger Moore's "Awful Truth" TV show. Since none of the spiders bit me, I didn't become Spider-Man. But with all that radiation flowing through my veins with Roger Moore on TV, something strange happened. Something very, very strange. The negative vibes from the TV flowed into my brain. Then my radio-active blood flowed through my brain and spread the negative vibes through my whole body. As a result, I have become "The Negative Man." My amazing super-powers allows me to find fault in everything I see and hear. Which is a bunch of shit! I made my own theme song and I hope to get a movie deal soon, but the bastards in the movie business are probably too stupid to see what a great movie this would be. Anyway, I sing my theme song over-and-over to myself...it goes like this, "Negative Man, Negative Man, says Negative things when-ever he can!" Maybe I'll use my super powers to intimidate criminals into giving up too the police...maybe I'll just sit around and complain about things. I just don't know! Gotta go now I'm tired of writing this crap...but what do you care. And now you know!
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