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	Lunatic Ravings Maculate Conception Ask Bob Chick Shit for Chick Chicks Ask Bob A Question! Ask Bob 2002 Visit the Archives!! Join Us!		Ask Bob! Ask Bob! - 08/30/02 By Bob Senitram Published each Friday Song in my head: "Everybody's got a little light. Under the sun, under the sun, under the sun." - Parliment - This week I decided that it was time to save money! Too many extraneous expenses in this house yes-sir-eee. Besides a non-Caucasian in Nebraska isn't really secure in their job until they've worked there for at least a year. Since I've only been at my current employer for about eight months, I figure it's about time that I either get fired, or I get to stay for as long as I want. At this stage it can go either way, so I figure I better start saving - just in case! Speaking of Omaha, Nebraska, yesterday on the news they said a policeman who shot and killed an unarmed man in broad daylight was found innocent. I was really surprised to find out that the man he murdered was black! Actually my real surprise was that it's been so long since the local police murdered a minority person...this is Omaha, you know, and I'm pretty sure it's been at least a year since the Iowa police murdered a Latino-lad at a soccer game. Speaking of good old Nebraska-know-how, a few years back they said they wanted to get tough on crime so the police focused on the drug trade. What happened is they had a hey-day throwing small time dope smokers in jail. They threw so many "victimless crime" offenders in jail we had to build a new prison, which cost a lot of money. In fact the budget used for our prison system has increased over nine percent since they decided to get "tough on crime." Meanwhile, during the same time period, we've had less than a six percent increase in our public education system. Maybe just, maybe if less money was spent trying to throw dope smokers in jail, and then that money was spent on education, the overall community would be better off. Oh well, I guess that's just not the Nebraska way...better to spend all your resources throwing hippies in jail and shooting black people than educating the children. So, back to my money saving ideas! I decided to look around the house and stop buying stuff I never use. I came up with this list, which you may consider using yourself: Dishwashing liquid - I've never used this, therefore, it serves no purpose. Bar Soap - I take one shower, every now and then - one bar a month is plenty. Flushing - I figure if we urinate in a toilet twice before flushing, we'll save a bundle in the water bill. Food - anything that can't be stored in the freezer is not really needed. Toilet Paper - I added an extra roller in the bathroom. One for cheap No name brand paper - to dig out the first wave with, then the other roller for the nice Charmin paper, so we can pamper our bottoms. Cajun Food - No more! The food is cheap, but we end up using too much toilet paper the next day, and that's expensive! Condoms - I've never used one (proud papa)! Tampons - I never use these so they must be an extraneous expense. When I put this on the list, the ol' lady said I didn't understand what it was like to be a woman...I agreed, but it got me thinking... Perhaps I could devise an experiment that would allow me to seek the knowledge she says I lack...yes indeed, perhaps it can be done... And now you know! COMING NEXT: I find out what it's like to be a woman! Email Bob! webmaster@theweirdcrap.com     Send Email Archives

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