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Ask Bob!
"If he should ever hurt you, true love will won't desert you." - Journey - Just to set the record straight, I hate that song and it makes me sick but I just can't get it out of my head. The adult contemporary station is playing at work all the time and I swear they play that song every hour on the hour. The more I hear it, the more I think about it. I never thought about why I hate Steve Perry's music so much but I think it's because he's always speakin' his feelin's in his music. As a guy that kind of gives me the "willies." I guess it because he's always playing the poor sensitive fellow who gets his feelin's hurt. And he sounds so much like a woman, it just makes me uncomfortable. Then I see a music show on VH1 about Journey and he's parading around in super tight pants. Pants so tight that no man with testicles would dare try to put them on. I guess that makes me uncomfortable too. Then there's the song in my head, where he says he will still love his ex even though she's with someone else. Oh how fucking-sweet. I mean come-on, she dumped you dude! Forget it. I kinda wanna just hit him on the head with a beer bottle, tell him to get drunk and be done with it. I realize it's just a fictitious story, but I still think someone needs to pull his panties down and spank him bare-assed. But I'm not the one to do it. If I went around pulling mens pants down and spanking their bottoms, that would make me no better than him (not that there's anything wrong with that). Any ways, to explain that Telemarketing thing, I have to give a little background information so it will make sense: Many years ago, the mass of a familiar solar system was drawn into a black hole that formed in the center of the galaxy of that system. eventually all the mass of the entire galaxy was drawn into that black hole like water swirling into a drain of a sink. As time progressed, the universe's galaxies were replaced by billions and billions of black holes. Eventually, a large number of black holes came together into one giant black hole that eventually reached a critical mass within that universe. At that point, the black hole went from imploding the mass of the universe to exploding the mass of the universe. This is what came to be known as the "big bang." As a result the mass within that black hole, shoot outward and filled the universe with much needed mass and energy. Eventually that mass and energy collided to form stars. Those very stars started grouping together and formed new galaxies. Within one of those galaxies a star was born, which later became known as Sol. Sol being somewhat lonely and demanding attention from the universal mind, started gathering mass around it so it could form planets. Some of those planets were too hot for life. Some of those planets were too cold for life. But one of those planets was juuuust right. That planet's name was Earth. The planet Earth went through several period of hot and cold spells and eventually nucleic acids started forming into strands of simple DNA. As time progressed, that DNA formed a variety of life forms which came and went. Eventually these simple strands of DNA lead to the creation of humans. Perhaps a Supreme Universal Mind orchestrated the whole thing, perhaps not. As humans populated the planet, they focused on the differences between themselves and had a hay-day killing each other off. As a result, they tried to figure out better and better ways to kill each other, which lead to the formation of technology. As this technology developed, better forms of communication was formed. This communication technology lead to the formation of "Telephones," which most people in developed countries have access too (by developed countries, I mean countries that can blow up other countries real good). These telephones became a popular form of communication, and folks were just tickled pink to hear what was being told to them via this mysterious communication device. Capitalizing on this development, corporations were formed to pay people to call other people via the "Telephone" and talk them into buying stuff; thus, making great big gobs of greasy money. This my friends, is how telemarketing was born. Telemarketing is the subject of this commentary. Oops! looks like I ran out of room. I'll have to pick-up on this later. And now you know! COMING NEXT: The irony of Telemarketing and "Big Gay Al," (not that there's anything wrong with that). Email Bob! webmaster@theweirdcrap.com
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