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Ask Bob!
"a little bit-o this, a little bit-o that..." - Fat Boy Slim - So Melissa is still claiming to be the mother of my baby-girl. I don't know what her problem is, I've never even met her. I have no idea why she claims to be in love with me, but this much I know: I hope she would just die and leave me alone! As I mentioned last week, baby-girl is as strong as an ox. Just one week after she was born she turned over, a few days after that she learned to crawl using her hands. And just the other day, she grabbed hold of our kitty and bit a piece of his tail off. Now that's-a one strong baby. I figured out why she's so super-strong. About ten years ago, I volunteered for an experiment hosted by a lab in Lincoln, NE. It took one week and I made over seven thousand dollars, so it was a week well spent. The lab people studied my DNA and found what they called "discrepancies." Then they created a strand of "corrected" human DNA, just for me! I felt quite honored when they told me about it. Next, they took the corrected DNA and replicated it in a non-virulent (unharmful) virus. The plan was to give me an IV filled with these viruses for one week. They told me that the viruses would inject my cells with the "corrected" DNA, which would replace sections of my DNA that had "discrepancies." What they didn't tell me is that, this particular project (hosted by private industry) was funded by the US Government. Upon further research, I found that this particular government agency, in charge of genetic research, was headed by some guy named Professor Von Fancypantstein. I met Professor Von Fancyladstein, and immediately asked, "Professor what's another name for pirates treasure?" He said in a deep voice, "I say it's booty--b-b-booty, booty, that's what it is." "Where does a rump roast come from?" I ask. "I say it's the booty--b-b-booty, booty, that's what it is." Came his reply. Then I giggle like a little school girl. Anyway, it just so happens, that Professor Von Fancyassman was in charge of the Nazi genetics program in the 1930's, and was later recruited by US. It's my theory that the US Government was using Professor Von Fatchancestone to built an army of super-human soldiers and I ended up right-smack-dab, in the middle of it! Now, because of this genetic manipulation, my baby has this super-human strength. In fact, I'm quite convinced that she hasn't reached the full extent of her super-human abilities. This is why I have decided to name baby-girl, Ubêr-Baby. And now you know! COMING NEXT: Does baby-girl morph or is it all that acid I took in the 60s? Email Bob! webmaster@theweirdcrap.com
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