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Ask Bob!
"I started me a little dance down in Huston, Texas. We like to call it The Tighten Up." - Archie Bell and the Drells - I'M EXCITED ABOUT OUR NEW BABY!!! Hasn't been born yet, but it should pop out in a day now! Wow-weee! I'M ALSO EXCITED ABOUT THE NEW STAR WARS MOVIE! I hear that the Yoda computer animation is so real, it looks like a real puppet! Wow-wow-wow! I GOT LOTS OF WEIRDCRAP EMAIL TOO! I'm excited about that! That makes this a real exciting week. Last week I was going to write about something else, but instead I decided to answer some of that email, sent to TheWeirdcrap.com! <---Weekly Plug dogworld asks: MY LEFT TESTICIL HANG LOWER THEN MY RIGHT IS THAT NORMAL AND IF TELL ME WHY I CHECK MY SELF THEY ARE THE SAME SIZES MY TESTICAL WHEN I LOOK AT MYSELF MY PENIS KIND OF REST UNEVEN ON TOP OF MY SCROTUM YOUR TRUELY WILL The testicle that hangs lowest is simply full of sperm. Each time you have sex or masturbate you empty one testicle, leaving the other full. This full testicle will hang lower than the one just emptied. The next time you have a "release" it will come from the "lower" testicle which is currently full. However, since your left testicle is always lower, it must be blocked-up. You should see either a doctor or a good plumber before it fills up like a water balloon and pops! If it does pop, it's no big deal 'cause you have another testicle as a back up. -Bob Octavio87 Well, I understand all this jazz about the primordial soup, I mean, who doesn't? Some cow spat up some phlegm and blew it so it wouldn't boil over, then cooked it until it was too burnt to consume. I saw it with my brother's own eyes. But what I don't understand, is how the cow got there in the first place. The cow had to come from somewhere, right? And what happened to the soup? Did he throw it out, or shove it down a hole? Thanks! The cow created the earth. The universe had existed, but was simply a collection of various gasses with a few stars. The Earth would have evolved just like all the other stars and planets, but because Stephen Johnson is complete idiot, the Earth was created by a cow. Let me explain, years ago, on our sister planet called Earth-1, I was working on a time traveling device, but before I finished Stephen came stumbling into the room in his usual drunken stupor, with a cow on a leash. Apparently he had gone "cow tipping" but he was too weak to knock it over. So he brought the cow to my house so I could help. When he saw the time machine, he realized he could go back in time and smoke the pack of cigarettes that he just smoked, thus, saving himself a few dollars. When he activated the machine (which worked quite nicely) his hand was still on the cow's leash, and they both faded back into Earth-1's past. Not knowing how to set the machine, Stephen travel far into Earth-1's past where an Alien culture was doing experiments in genetic engineering on Earth-1 Apes. With cow in hand, he stumbled into their spacecraft and starting pulling levers and pushing buttons in search of a cigarette lighter. He and the cow catapulted into space where he hit a meteor, which was knocked toward Earth-1, destroying the entire planet. Well all this flying and time traveling got the cow sick to "one of it's stomachs" and he turned green. Stephen being the bastard that he is, kicked the cow out of the space ship. Space radiation made the cow "groweth to a humunguth size" and he puked his radioactive plem which was real hot. He blew on it to cool it off and it formed Earth-2, where we live now. Then Stephen ran into the cow with the space ship and broke him in two pieces. One of the cow pieces hit a meteor which flew to Earth-2. However, the planet was not destroyed. But the meteor contained small microorganisms which later became the cause of chronic-butt itch. So the next time your butt itches and you can't get it to stop, say to yourself, "Gee, thanks Stephen. You stupid bastard!" Here are some favorite questions and answers that the fine internet community had "asked Bob."
And now you know!
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