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Ask Bob!
"Gravi-ty-ty-ty, will always, never let me do-o-o-own." - GORILLAZ - Lazzio writes: Hey! who do you think you are just posting your opinions about things that you obviously know nothing about! We all know your full of shit. What gives you the right! My Dear Lazzio: My uninhibited desire to say and do whatever I want is attributed to my dear Grand-ma-ma. I was her favorite grandkid, which meant whatever I touched was made of gold and whatever I said were "words of wisdom." I guess I still think that way now. So in a nutshell, I blame it all on my childhood. Just like one of those old black and white movies where James Cagney says he became a big mob boss because when he was seven years old he ate a Cherry Jolly Rancher, thinking it was cinnamon. Which of course led him to a life of crime, which led him to become a mob boss, which lead him to the electric chair. Which ended the movie. Well the same thing happened to me! Only I ain't goin' to no electric chair, and I ate a lime Jolly Rancher, thinking it was green apple. This life changing incident happened at my grand-ma-ma's house, who lived in San Jose, California. Litte did we know, just hours from San Jose, and right around the same time that I ate that stupid Jolly Rancher, the Apple Computer was being perfected. The Apple computer probably would have been abandoned if the creators had jobs, but lucky for us, "trickle down economics" was doing it's thing and everybody was jobless and broke with plenty of time on their hands! Later the Apple led to the Personal Computer. Once President Clinton undid the economic damage of Reagan and Bush, the thriving economy created more expendible income, which was used by lots of folks to buy those fancy PC's, which made the price go down. Which was good because if PC's were not cheap, I wouldn't have one, and never would have created TheWeirdcrap.com. <---Shameless Plug Lucky for us, when we started TheWeirdcrap.com <---Another Shameless Plug the Internet community was thriving and we were able to set up the site at Angelfire.com for free. Which was very fortunate, because at the time my wife and I were broke, 'cause we just moved to Tallahassee, FL where my wife attended FSU. Meanwhile, back in California a fat man painted his belly blue and did a naked dance in the lobby of a "Pizza Shack." To this day, nobody knows why. My wife and I <---impeccable english! enjoyed living in Tallahassee, but we missed Omaha, NE where we live now. Did I mention we lived in Omaha before we moved to Tallahassee? Well we did. Two years after our honeymoon we moved to sunny Florida. On our honeymoon we had a stop-over in San Jose, where we spent our first night together as man and wife, just like the preacher said. Actually we wurn't married by a preacher, we wur married by a Unitarian High-Priestess who wore lovely flowing robes. But the result was pretty much the same. So we had our special night in San Jose, but not at my dear Grand-ma-ma's house. We got a nice motel for only $35, but after a few hours they kicked us out. I guess they only rented by the hour and I didn't have anymore cash. So at 3:30 in the morning, we showed up at my Grand-ma-ma's house, who proceeded to make us homemade French Toast, served with real maple syrup! Mmmmm, my favorite! It was my Grand-ma-ma's campaign against sillyness and that damn Jolly Rancher, that lead to my present behavior. But at least I'm not on death row, waiting to be kilt like James Cagney in that movie. And now you know! COMING NEXT: My Grand-ma-ma's campaign against sillyness and that damn Jolly Rancher. Email Bob! webmaster@theweirdcrap.com
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