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Ask Bob!
"No need to dream about her anymore, 'cause I found my dream lover on the 13th floor...." - Steve Miller Band - I got nothing funny to say today. Why, because I am pissed that's why. I was in the local Super Saving Store when I had to take a wizz. So I go to the urinal and start my business. Then I hear some giggling coming from the stall next to me. I look at the floor under the next stall and I see little kid legs kicking back and forth. Before I know it, a big splat of poop is thrown on my shoes. A few seconds later the kid is running out of the stall and out of the bathroom, laughing all the while. I can't do nothin' 'cause I'm in the middle of my business and I can't stop right in the middle of the main gush. He didn't flush and I'm sure he didn't wipe. Little bastard, I thought only monkeys did that. I wiped the shit off my shoes with some paper towels and left. I didn't even get a good look at him. Now I end up spending the next 45 minutes shopping with shit on my shoes. It smelled too. Now I'm in a foul mood. Speaking of foul things, I guess Stephen wanted to defend his masturbation affliction by explaining to us how it is, "...a natural and beautiful thing." That may be true, but it doesn't take away from the fact that he is a worthless bastard. And now he insults the one and only Courtney Love, who bears the one and only love child of Kurt Cobain. How dare he. As I understand it, Courtney has been holding the child in her stomach for the last nine years awaiting her ex-husbands resurrection. Being Jewish, I know the messiah has never been born. So maybe Kurt is the messiah and he will be born again, and then Courtney can finally give birth to their love child!! OH WHAT A HAPPY DAY!!! But then again, maybe not. Speaking of Pop Icons, "What the hell is going on with all the fucked up music on the radio today?" I don't know if its just me because I'm a cold blooded, emotionless-bastard, or if it's the fact the radio waves are jam packed with sticky-sweet, meaningless drivel. Perhaps both. All I know is I don't like it. Here are some examples of music that really pisses me off: Example #1: "She loves ME for ME...blah, blah, blah." I don't even know who sang that stupid song and I don't care. Besides, what normal, healthy teenager would ever think about shit like that. When I was a teenager all I wondered about was, "Am I gonna get laid this weekend?" FYA - Prince wrote that song. I would be ok if he sang it, because he sounds and acts like a woman. But a regular guy? I just don't like it! Too much "estrogen fueled" lyrics in today's music has my stomach churning like a lactose intolerant old man who just drank a gallon of milk. I JUST DON'T LIKE IT! Example #2: "I wish I was somebody else...boo, hoo, hoo." Now don't get me wrong, I liked Pink's, "You Better Get this Party Started" song. But it was a meaningless shake-your-groove-thang, disco dance song. Meaningless shake your booty music is ok for Pink. Kinda like a girl you wouldn't mind having sex with (if it's been a while), but no one you would want to talk to the next day. Anyway, nobody wants to know her sensitive feelin's." No matter how contrived they may be. Let's face it, Pink is a teenager. Nobody cares what teenagers think or feel. They neither have the experience or intelligence to know anything about anything. That's why parents are always telling them to shut up. Because they are stupid. Sorry kids, but that's just they way it is...don't worry. Someday you'll grow up and no longer be "stupid kids." You'll be "stupid adults," which is nice. Speaking of stupid, this reminds me of the Curt Kobain "sing-alike - wanna-be's." I'm talking about crap like "Jars of Clay," and "Puddles of Mud," and the like. They start off all sensitive like, then they start screaming. A weak imitation of Nervana's style back in the early 90's. One thing loosers like them don't realize, is that if Nervana was still around today they wouldn't be doing the same damn thing today. They would have evolved into a different sound which is new and creative. The same way the Beatles evolved every few years. I just wish all the Kurt Cobain wanna-be's would just dissapear. I could go on and on, but I'm running out of room. I just hope that the likes of Moby, Lenny Kravits, Bootsy Collins, Busta Rhymes or Zack Hexum (Overground) can save us from all the crap I keep hearing on the radio these days. I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE! And now you know. COMING NEXT: I figure out how to bring peace to the Middle East. Email Bob! webmaster@theweirdcrap.com
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