|
Lunatic Ravings
Maculate
Conception
Ask
Bob
Chick
Shit for Chick Chicks
Ask
Bob A Question!
Ask Bob 2002
Visit
the Archives!!
|
|
Ask Bob!
Ask Bob! - 03/29/02
By Bob Senitram
Published each Friday
|
|
Song in my head:
"I didn't complain,
when you was wearing bikinis for clothes...."
- B.B. King -
This week I promised to tell you about me and Stephen's 10
year High School Reunion!
There was one hitch in our plan, we didn't have dates, and we didn't go to the same High School.
Also, Stephen graduated from High School in New York, and I graduated from High School in Nebraska. To make matters
worse, I graduated in 1986, and Stephen graduated in 1991.
To further complicate things, Bel Garion, who had been living out
of his Taxi Cab, started spending the night when he started his commentary. After about three months, he still
hadn't left. So I guess he was our roommate. We didn't like having him around because he was always screaming,
"Jesus this, and Jesus that."
But since he was the only one who had any form of real income, we didn't complain. He usually paid the rent.
As it turned out, he wanted to go with us, but he didn't go to a real high school. He went to some Catholic School
in Florida. To work it all out, we devised this plan:
We took the years that me and Stephen graduated, and the year Bel claimed he graduated
(1994), and divided it by three. This was 1986 + 1991 + 1994 = 1990.33. So we decided to go to the ten year reunion
for March 1990. But no one graduated in March, so we decided to go with May, 1990. The reunion would be for May,
2000!
Now we needed the location. So we tore the national map out of the phone book, and drew lines from Albany, New
York; to Tallahassee, Florida; to Omaha, Nebraska. We found that Cincinnati, Ohio was right in the middle!
Our next step was to attend a 10 year reunion from Cincinnati, Ohio in the year of our Lord 2000.
Armed with a map from the phone book, me, Bel Garion, and Stephen Johnson headed
for Cincinnati. The only money we had was the money Bel had been making from driving his cab. Some of the money
was supposed to go to the cab company, but we convinced Bel that Jesus would want us to go to Cincinnati; therefore,
it was ok to steal the money. But to be on the safe side we also talked Melissa Paternick
(who never finished the 6th grade) to go with us. We figured if we really needed cash, she would do some "tricks"
along the way.
I drove, Stephen rode in the passenger seat, Bel sat in back and we put Melissa in the trunk - because of the smell.
One major problem came up...we didn't have any money for food and Melissa kept banging the trunk hood with her
hand, so we let her sit with Bel.
Within minutes Bel was screaming "Jesus Loves me this I know..." at the top of his lungs. We looked back
and Melissa was doing the nasty with Bel. He had convinced her that her sins would be forgiven if she, "Gave
it up for the Lord!"
We didn't think much of it, then we got to an Iowa truck stop, on I-80 and expected Melissa to make us some cash
so we could eat. She had just finished licking herself clean after being messed up by Bel when we got there.
Out of curiosity, we followed her around as she approached truckers.
"Hey cutie, want some fun?" Melissa said to the trucker.
"Sorry, I got a Playstation in here! I got all the fun I need."
She approached a different truck, "Hey cutie, want some fun!"
"Look, I've been driving for 20 hours! I just want to get some sleep! Bug off!"
"I can help you fall into a really deep sleep, sugar!" Melissa replied.
"Get lost!" said the driver.
Melissa walked away, then turned back and knocked on the door of the truck. "You sure you don't want some
of this sweet stuff!" She said while tilting her halter top down a bit.
"Look...If I was in a bar, and you "came on to me," I wouldn't have sex with you for Free! You want to know why? Because you're ugly...UGLY...UGLY...UGLY!"
Melissa tilted her head down and walked away slowly. After that, she refused to try to earn any money for us.
We went into the McDonald's at the truck stop and walked up to people and asked if we could finish the left-over
fries on their plates, or if we could lick the special sauce off the wrapper of their Big Mac's. We had no choice
we were hungry! The staff didn't mind, and they let us hang around...begging for left-overs.
Then Stephen had to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately someone left a newspaper with lingerie ads. Before we knew
it, we were kicked out because Stephen was found masturbating on the kiddie-slide with the ads.
We had to turn back and go home because we were hungry.
Which all goes to prove, Bel is a sex maniac, Melissa is an ugly slut, and Stephen is a chronic masturbating bastard.
And now you know.
COMING NEXT: Something new,
something used!
Email Bob!
webmaster@theweirdcrap.com
|
