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Ask Bob!
"That's the way uh-huh, uh-huh, I liiiike it..." - KC and The Sunshine Bands - I just got the second email asking me, "What the hell is your site about?" So I decided to go ahead and tell you. It all started back in 1994. Me and Stephen were gonna have a few beers and then go to a bar. As it turned out there was a big snow storm and Stephen couldn't leave. Since I didn't have cable at the time, we decided to write a story. The Idea was simple, Stephen writes a paragraph, then I write a paragraph. That story became "The Frogman." In 1999, after being turned down by every respectable publishing company in the nation, we decided to post The Frogman on the Internet so all could enjoy! This is how TheWeirdcrap.com started. One story on anglefire. Nothing else. By the middle of 2000 I learned my html's, and we featured stories by other writers (Alarmingly Strange Stories). Then we added the "Lunatic Commentaries," where me and Stephen could say whatever we wanted. I thought it was a great idea, but it just pissed Stephen off. We added the Daily Demented Comics, and the Short Attention-Span Arcade. To our surprise, we started getting a pretty good amount of regular traffic, so we got a "real" server. Thinking we were just weeks away from becoming Internet millionaires, we both quite our jobs and rented an office in the "swanky" part of town where we set up our single used computer for me to practice my html's and to build TheWeirdcrap.com. Little did we know Internet marketing would soon collapse. TheWeirdcrap.com averaged about 7 cents per week. Due to lack of cash, we both moved into our single room office space. We had few material possessions, so it wasn't too crowded, except for Stephen's 15 cats which crawled, puked and pooped in every available inch of the office. I got a job at a 7-eleven, and Stephen spent most of his time looking for food in the dumpsters outside a nearby Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant. This was a job for Stephen, since he's not very smart. Then one day at the 7-eleven, Melissa Paternick walked into the store. I soon realized she was the dumbest and sluttiest woman in the world. I listened to her stupid stories about her husband Ralph and other stupid ideas she had. Then I got an idea. I would convince her that I was an undercover priest, by telling her, "I'm an undercover priest." She believed me and I explained it was my duty to give her, her penance. I told her that I would arrange for her to have sex with ugly fat men as a punishment. This is what we called in seminary school as killing two sinners with one sin. That night, she was pulling tricks in the 7 eleven john. I was hoping this would cure our financial woes, but I only pulled in about $1.75 a night. A few days later, Stephen was caught masturbating in the janitors closet of our building and we were kicked out. We couldn't afford it anyway, so this was a good thing. We got a one room flat in the "bad part of town" for $10 a week and with Melissa's help, TheWeirdcrap.com survived! It was for her help during the hard times that we gave Melissa her own Column, "Chick Shit for Chic Chicks," where she could teach other woman "what not to do." Months later, I was writing my commentary when I looked out the window and saw a cab driver chasing people down the street and biting them. He was screaming, "I MUST SUCK THE SIN FROM YOUR SOULS!!!" In our part of town, most people in the streets are drunks and junkies, so, in addition to sin soaked blood, he was sucking blood filled with , dope, and booze from the people he attacked. This made things worse, 'cause he started to hallucinate and became a super-powered madman on a psycho-religious-hallucinogenic rampage. I thought this was really cool and after he collapsed from exhaustion, I offered to give him space on TheWeirdcrap.com. Soon "Maculate Conception" was born! That's about it. Our readers still submit a lot of really interesting stories and our traffic has continued to grow as we make no money what-so-ever. But all is not bad, soon I will be 7-elven supervisor! And now you know. COMING NEXT: BOB AND STEPHEN'S HIGH SCHOOL REUNION! Email Bob! webmaster@theweirdcrap.com
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| | | | | | © 2002 by TheWeirdcrap.com - "Insanity has found a home." |
