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Ask Bob!
THANKS GEORGE W! I shouldn't be so critical of our new President. He did take care of that terrorist thing. And his staff is making sure that certain undesirables are stopped in their tracks, before they can do harm...it's been a long time since racism has been a part of our national security...THANKS GEORGE W! But back to me. But was I fired because of budget cuts? - NO! Was I fired because of poor hygiene? - NO! Just the opposite, my friend. I was fired for having good, fine hygiene! But how could this happen, you may ask? I'll explain... I'm a clean person. Each day before I go to work I like to have a nice Bowel Movement before the start of my day. after the sacred BM, I prefer to have a nice shower to make myself feel clean and to save others of the funk that can accompany the BM. Well on Monday, I woke up late and just had enough time to have my historic BM, but had no time to shower...later, this proved to have disastrous effects. Before the reason is clear, I must explain: Recently, I moved from sunny Florida to Nebraska. Now you may think that the main difference would be the cold weather and the cold, but no! The main difference is that in sunny Florida, it is always humid. In nasty, cold winter, Nebraska it is never humid...which means my skin has been horribly dry. This makes my skin itch like crazy! The only way I found to stop the itch, is to cake my body in lotion each day. So I did. But then all the "sweet-boys" start looking my way, because the lotion makes me smell all "purdy" and what not. So now all the "fancy lads" are checking me out, not that there's anything wrong with that. But in this case I am not a fancy lad. With that said, now we can continue: On Monday I go to work without my usual shower. Feeling the funk of the morning BM overcoming me, I decide to go to the bathroom and do something about it. I go to the toilet and decide to try to clean myself, just to make sure no residue is lingering. But I find no residue. Yet I still feel funky. So I proceed to the sink with my pants down, slap my left leg on top of the counter, grab a couple of paper towels, soak 'em in water and start frantically rubbing my behind to clean off the funk that has been plaguing me all day. Just as that happened, my bosses boss comes in and starts rubbing himself on my backside! Did I mention he is a "fancy-lad?" Well, he is. It turns out that he's been following me into the bathroom for the last three months, just hoping for an opportunity for an "encounter," and he thought, "This is is!" It wasn't. When he approached me from behind, I stuffed those funk-encrusted, paper towels right in his mouth. To make a long story short, I got fired that very day and came home at noon. I rented a DVD and ate some raw minute rice, because I was out of popcorn. Don't get me wrong folks, I don't got anything against "fancy-lads," but this just went too far. COMING NEXT: Two for Tea? Email Bob! webmaster@theweirdcrap.com
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