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 Bob Sez - 8/03/01
By Bob Senitram
Published each Friday
Reader Mail:
Subject: who do you think you are?
i dont know where you came up with that bullshit story about tallahassee, & cigarettes being almost 7.00. also
when you talk about the confederate veterans & shit i think you should refer to georgia ( dixiland ), ive lived
in tallahassee all of my life, shopped at winn dixie all of my life & have never run into "hillbillies"
having festivals in the parkinglot. next time you talk about my hometown, maybe should put a little bit of research
into it. plus this website sucks.
FSU students call it, Talla-hick-ee. Gee, I wonder why?
Skulles writes:
Subject: Hi there corn man
What time is it?
Damn, you in the streets and you don't even know what time it is?
It's Hammer Time. What else?!
Milli Vanilli is da king of da beat box scene! WORD.
Subject: Why? I accidentally
erased this email so I don't have the name of the guy who wrote it or the exact question:
Why do I have big long hairs on my ass and what purpose do they serve?
Actually, this is why Homo erectus survived and Neanderthals didn't.
Since they lived in caves, if a rebellious teenager wandered off too far they would get lost and die, or fall off
a cliff and die. Or a dinosaur would eat them.
And die.
Whatever the case, they would end up dead. I'm quite positive this is how all the Neanderthals died.
So how did our caveman ancestors (Homo-what-ever-ous) survive?
.
As anyone who had ever watched "One Million Years B.C." knows, cavemen hunched over when they walked
which made them look kind of silly. Also, they couldn't talk real good - like George Bush.
Anyways, their "hunching" caused their booty's to stick out behind them and in an incredible stroke of
evolutionary luck, our ancestor's were blessed with nice long butt hairs that dragged on the ground about two or
three feet behind them. They started to grow right at puberty, when kids start acting smarter than they are.
So if a kid started to wander off, it was easy for his or her parent to just grab them by the booty hair and pull
them back to the herd. If they did manage to get away, they could be tracked down easily because they didn't have
toilet paper. That booty hair would get all clogged up and nasty, and it dragged on the ground that left a funky
trail to follow.
A hairy butt meant survival in the ancient world. This is why women used to be attracted to hairy men. I was simply
a survival instinct.
Neanderthals, on the other hand had nice shinny clean booty's that caused them all to die.
So do not be angry or ashamed of your long funky booty hairs, be proud of them, pamper them with conditioner and
powder. Cherish them, for they have made us what we are today.
COMING NEXT: We finally get to that other
stuff.
Email Bob
webmaster@weirdcrap.every1.net
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