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Commentary Archives!
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 Susan from Springfield, OH, asks:
Bob, I dont like you and I don't like your commentary. Yet
each week I find myself reading it. Last week on Friends (your favorite show), Monica told Chandler to watch less
E! and more ESPN! Which is just what you said they should do...so for once you got it right. Did NBC they pay you
for your idea?
Susan:
I suggested that guys should work on a car once in a while, so they don't seem so "prissy-pants-delicate."
Same idea. I'm positive that they stole the suggestion from me, as they did the entire series.
And no, once again they did not pay me after stealing my idea! Probably because the producers are a bunch of "fancy
lads" and they need to keep their money for their "fancy-pants parties."
Bastards.
Yoyo from Aust (Austin, Texas?), asks:
If I vomit a lot will I eventually vomit up my own poo? And if
so, where will it end?
Yoyo!
Gee, this requires research.
Stephen mentioned he saw a label of Drano that said if you drink it, it will induce vomiting. Seemed like just
what we needed to test our hypothesis, which technically didn't exist because we had no idea what would happen
if we ate Drano. But we sure wanted to find out!
So I called Jerome and asked him to help us with our experiment. He was anxious to participate, you know - in the
name of science. But he wouldn't be available until he was finished drawing.
Jerome's family is poor because his father is a fisherman, and they don't make much money. But it's ok, because
Jerome's dad is real nice and he lets him play with the fish heads after his dad chops them off the little fish
bodies. Jerome likes to grab the fish heads by the mouth and scrap the bloody neck part against the sidewalk and
make handsome sidewalk art for all to enjoy.
That's what he was doing when I called. I suggested he bring some fish heads to help with the experiment.
A few hours later, Jerome ate two whole fish heads, a bottle of Drano, 1/2 a box of Comet, a tube of toothpaste,
the rest of my Colgate Shaving cream (It doesn't have a warning on the label, but Jerome said it tasted "minty-fresh"
and after eating those fish heads it might help with his breath.). He also ate my wife's nail polish remover and
a box of Always Ultra - Multipax.
Right now he's chugging some rubbing alchohol, to wash it all down.
I start reading the labels of the stuff he ate and I find out that the rubbing alchohol doesen't induce vomiting...it
says "YOU" should induce vomiting if you drink it. Hmmm.
I scramble through other empty packages...they all say "YOU" should induce vomiting. Me and Stephen thought
about it, while Jerome munched on a blue toilet bowl cleaner brick-thing.
I thought it meant that, "...if YOU drink this, YOU should start vomiting." Like a guarentee to throw
up if you eat it.
But Stephen says it means, "This is poison and if you eat it, make YOURSELF throw up to get it out of your
body."
We needed a third opinion, because neither of us was real sure.
So we called Melissa to see what she thought, she said, "...oh my 'old man' drinks nail polish and rubbing
alchohol whenever we run out of Robitussin. But that other stuff...I don't know. I better call an ambulance because
he might get kilt."
I guess she must be right because she's a girl and she's got them "motherin'" instincts built right in
Just then Jerome comes stumbling in the front room and falls flat on his face. We sat and watched him wiggle and
bounce around because it looked funny. And then we all had a good laugh about it.
The ambulance picked up Jerome. Melissa went to the hospital to meet them. Me and Stephen stayed home because we
had some beer in the fridge and didn't want it to go to waist.
So we never really found the answer to your question. Sorry.
And now you know.
Coming Next: I forgot all about that weakest
link stuff!
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