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 Jim from Wichita, KS asks:
So where did this Easter Bunny thing all get started from?
I just don't like it!!!
Dear Jim:
Most people think that the Easter holiday came from the Solar Solstice, whatever that is. But I got together with
Pastor Bishop who preaches at the Good Morning Star Baptist Church of Sacred
Sacraments and he commenced to tellin' me how the first Easter got started.
Well it turned out that a loooooong time ago, in prehistoric times, a bunch of folks got their panties all ruffled
up because this here Jesus feller was a talkin' all proud and high-and-mighty-like. Since the Jesus was so clever,
he got a bunch of folks all red in the face and angry. So them folks went ahead and beat-up and killed that Jesus
just like a Philadelphia cop on a black man.
Now after he was kil't, them folks when and shoved The Jesus in a cave and blocked the entarance with a big rock.
Well, that got The God so burned up inside, that he figured he would give the Jesus the breath of life one more
time so's he can go teach them ornery feller's a lesson.
And that's just what he did.
Only now The Jesus, is stuck in a cave with no way out. So he goes ahead and asks The God to open the cave door.
The God says, in his biggest voice, "Jeeeeez - us, do I have to do everything for you! Figure a way out yourself
- it's the only way you is gonna get learn't."
So the Jesus kicks the dirt and sits down to think...just then a little rabbit pokes his head down from the roof
and looks at the Jesus.
"Hi! My name is Esther! Why so glum, bloke." she says.
"Hey there, little feller! I'm afraid I'm in a tight spot right now!"
"Can I help?"
"Not unless you can move that big rock," The Jesus says hopelessly while pointing to the blocked entrance.
"I'm stuck in this cave, and I can't get out."
"No problem, I'll dig a hole extra wide and you can crawl out of this here cave. Now since you is The Jesus,
just give me a blessing on my head and we'll call it even."
So the Jesus blesses the Rabbit, and the Rabbit gets to diggin'. The Jesus climbs out of the Cave and shakes the
Rabbits hand.
Just then, he's see's an ambush of folks comin' his way! They got a mind to catch that Jesus and kill em' again...since
apparently they didn't do too good of a job the first time.
But the Jesus is too quick for 'em.
He grabs Esther by the feet and twirls her around like a big slingshot and throws him over that ambush's collective
head's. Then he says a special, Hoo-doo prayer and makes that ol' Rabbit lay 100 hard boiled eggs.
Now that ol' Rabbit ain't never flown before so he's just got the biggest old grin on his face while he's glidin'
over them folks with his arms all spread out.
But even though he wuz havin' the time of his life, he didn't forget his mission.
Oh, no.
All the while, he's a drop-in them hard boiled eggs one by one on the heads of them ornery folks. Them eggs hit
their heads and bounce every which way. After a few poundings from them eggs, them bad fellers heads get to crackin'
open.
Now everybody knows that when heads get cracked open, all kinds of blood and brains gets splattered about. Well
the same happened here, only them eggs caught all the mess.
Soon them blood splattered eggs had bounced off into places no one would ever imagine. In the bushes, hidden in
the grass, up on some tree limbs. They were everywhere!
Esther lands on Jesus' shoulders and they go off into town.
To make a long story short, the Jesus see's that the town-folk ain't got enough eats. So he figured it would be
a lot of fun if the young-uns get together and make a game out of finding them special colored eggs.
So they all go back to the cave and comence to havin' the first Esther Egg Hunt.
And now you know.
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yourself from harmful bacteria!
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