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Ask Bob a Question!
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 Billy Campos from Toronto asks, "Hey, why is everyone so wickity-wack, about the Wazz-up Wazzoo?"
Dear Bill,
Normally I would have no idea what you are talking about. But I recently purchased a "hip-hop" album
and now I'm street-wise.
It's that "Friends"
show isn't it?
I must admit I've never seen an entire episode because I'm not gay, and for some reason I'm convinced that more
gay people watch the "Friends"
than the "Will and Grace Show."
Now there's nothing wrong with being gay, if you're into that sort of thing. I'm just saying that from what I've
seen of Friends, it appears to create the kind of habitat that would just draw those folks right in like, "white
on rice" (that's more hip-hop).
Yup, gays and women. But probably not lesbians, I think Ross and Chandler are probably too feminine for a lesbian.
Which is why my ol' lady watches the show. She's not lesbian or gay, but she is a she.
At this moment, I'm trying to write the weekly commentary, but the TV is too loud and all I can hear is the Ross
or Chandler saying, Ohhhhhhhh-myyyyyyy-Gauwd!" I did chuckle the first time I heard that; but after the 15th
time, it just started to piss me off. And they just kept saying it over and over and over and over and over and
over and over again.
If I hear that phrase one more time, I'm gonna take my pencil and jam it right into my ear.
Unable to concentrate, cause the TV's so loud, I go the front room and watch for a few minutes to see what all
the hub-bub is about.
The chicks seem ok, cause they got tight shirts on. But those guys just bug me. If they were just gay it would
be ok, but they're straight guys that act like soap opera women...and for some reason that just bugs me. They should
have them working on a car once in a while so they don't seem so "Polly-prissy-pants."
And there they go again with the, "Ohhhhhhh-myyyyyyyy-Gawwwd."
So I pull the pencil from my ear and blood runs right down the side of my head and forms a small puddle by my feet.
The cat walks over and starts licking it up, which is cool because now I don't have to clean up the mess. I roll
up a piece of "Play-Doh" in a little ball and stick it in my ear so no more blood leaks out.
I'm quite convinced that the producers of that show stole the idea from me, because a few years ago, I had a couple
of friends that hung out at the house all the time…and that is exactly what the "Friends" is all about.
I think they owe me some money.
On a completly different subject, today I saw a funny magazine ad for a certain brand of beer.
I won't say the name 'cause I don't want to get into trouble, but when I was a little kid my next door neighbor,
"Lefty Miller" had a
name that was similar to a popular brand of beer and we used to tease him about it.
We'd poke his big belly and say, "...damn you got a big ol' _(Beer
Name)_ beer belly!" then we'd all laugh at his expense.
One time, I told him we'd play "slot machine." He holds out his arm and sticks his tounge out. I put
a nickel on his tounge, pull down his arm...and he's supposed to roll his eyes up and down like a slot machine.
But he don't do that.
He swallows the nickel and starts choking and turning red...I just run away because I'm-a-scared. Well he lived,
and most importantly he didn't squeal on me so I didn't get in trouble.
Anyway, this Miller Beer ad says, "Miller Beer, the WD-40 of Conversation." Which seems real funny to me, because I can drink "Samuel Adams" beer all night
and I'll be fine the next day. But put a few Miller Beers in me and I got the runs til noon the next day. I don't
know why, maybe they got a bunch of bacteria floating around in their beer, maybe I'm just getting old. I don't
know, but it happens everytime I drink it.
That's why I think the ad should
read, "Miller Beer, the WD-40 of Your Ass."
And now you know.
Coming Next: That dance
craze thing.
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