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 I was sittin' here in the apartment just-a-thinkin' and a thinkin' and
thinkin' and-a-thinkin'. I kept thinkin' until I was pretty sure there wasn't anything that I hadn't thought up.
I'm stuck in the apartment 'cause there's this man, and he's a followin' me. Right now he's down the hall, so I
can't go take a pee.
A rhym, tee-hee. So, in all my thinkin' I just figured that things only exist, based on our perceptions. Therefore,
if perception relies on the physical world for us to acknowledge it, then if we do not acknowledge its presence,
it ceases to exist.
I think.
So I tried it. I wished the bad FBI guy away, and now he's gone. I'm not sure if he was ever there. This means
one thing. From now on, the only things that exist are the things that I decide exist. Now that I've discovered
this power, I guess to you, I am like a God. No, wait. I am your God.
You may Bow down before me, now. I don't see any bowing, therefore, I shall have to show you my wrath.
Jebba-Debba-Do, Jebba-Debba-Don't.
There, Done.
I have just wished away your chair and now you fell down and hit your head. For those of you who have carpets,
I wished that away so you fall on the hard floor. Ha. Now you must be sorry that you doubted me. But because I
am merciful, I have just replaced your chair, put you back in it, and what the heck while I'm at it, I'll take
away the pain associated with the fall. But you still remember the the chair disapearing. You'll start to question
the existance of everything, your whole world will unravel before your eyes and you will go mad. Oh, what the heck.
Jebba-Debba-Do, Jebba-Debba-Don't.
There, Done. I'll go ahead and take away your memory of the incident. Because I am merciful.
What!? Still no Bowing! Oui, No respect these days - I tell you.
Ok, maybe that was a bad idea...on to viewer mail!
Jon from St. Louis, MO writes:
Bob, you are full of shit. I could go on and on but why should I, you are full of shit. Stupid Bastard! YOU!
Reply:
Oh damn, you found out.
Susan from work?
Bob, I read your article, and I am very angry. You should never even joke about hate. This world is filled with
hate mongers, and it's such a shame! You shouldn't even joke about such things. I've dropped off a mirror with
this note in your cubicle so you can take a good hard look at yourself!
There! Are you not ashamed!
Reply:
I have no idea what you are talking about. I deny anything that cannot be proven in a court of law.
Jennifer Love Hewitt from Los Angeles, CA:
Bob, someone told me about this site and I think you guys are retarded! By the way, how can you hate me, I'm America's
favorite sweetheart!
Reply:
I don't think you are really Jennifer Love, so I hate you for trying to trick me! If you are the real actress lady,
then why do you waste your time writing to me? You are a loser, and for that I hate you.
Bill Baburick from St Louis Mo:
All my life people have made much fun of me. They called me names and picked on me because they think I am weak.
Often I'd sit alone in my room crying. My life was miserable, but now thanks to your philosophy of hate, I hate
all those bastards who picked on me. Their futile attempts to make me feel bad has no effect on me what-so-ever,
because (like you), I hate them all! - Thanks Bob!!!!
Reply:
Your story really touched me. There's just one important point that you left out...I DON'T CARE!
It turns out that the Mormon Missionaries that stopped by last week were very nice fellows and they convinced me
that hating everyone is not a good way to go through life, so I guess I was all wrong. Which means that you really
are a loser and you should be miserable because everything those mean people say to you is probably true.
Sorry.
And now the Story of Sally the throw-up girl....Once there was a girl named Sally who threw up and everyone at
work laughed at her because we thought it was funny.
Coming Next: We find missing
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