Joe from Cancer writes: How
do you feel about wet socks?
Dear Joe: I wuz sittin' at home
watching my favorite bible program on TV, while eatin' some extra zesty crispy-cajun style chicken from Popeye's,
when I thought I'd find out how good those wet socks are.
So instead of using a moist towelette, I put a couple of socks in a bowl of warm water and used them to clean my
hands and face off. It worked pretty good!
My fun was interupted when my favorite bible station was cut off the air. I don't know why.
I proceeded to have a couple of beers and some shots of Jack Daniels, all in the name of the Jesus of course, and
started surfing cable for some other preachers to preach to my drunken ass.
That's when I came across the Farrakhan on the TV. I got a little confused cause he was Muslim and they believe
in the Jesus, but they don't think he was the son of God. But since the Son of God wuz the Jesus, then they don't
believe...
...well this is where I got confused they did and didn't believe in who it was - whatever that means. Oh, I don't
know.
Anyways, I like the Jesus. But the preacher on TV kept sayin' "Find the Jesus,"...this and "Find
the Jesus," ...that. So finally when I finds him, my wife says I gotta go put him back. Oh, well.
I have to admit, I do have a temper. The Jesus, wuz always sayin' to be nice even though I is mad. Now the Farrakhan
on TV, says it's ok to be mad and grumpy. In fact, he even says its ok to hate people you don't like. I heard it
right there on cable access. So I'm thinkin' maybe I'd be a better Muslim than a Baptist, on account that I'm so
ornery.
I started to fall asleep and I wuz drunk, so I'm not sure if I heard him right, but I'm pretty sure he was sayin'
that Aliens dumped all the negative DNA in the early humans in Europe, and that's why it's ok to hate people from
Europe, cuz they got the evil-alien DNA. Either that, or they gots the mark of the Devil on them.
Only thing is, I want to be able to get steamin' mad at anyone I want. I don't want all that anger to be directed
at just one group of peoples - there's just too much!
But then, them Mormons used to say that Black people got the mark of Cain on them, and that's why they is black,
and for that they can't be Mormons.
And the Catholics used to go around killing non-Catholics.
Hmmmm.
I think I'll just be an agnostic-al, who believes in the Jesus. This way I have the freedom to hate each person
based on the individual's rotten character and nothin' else.
And now you know.
Coming up: I tell you
how I found The Jesus!
Look for a new "Ask Bob" each Tuesday.
